Wedding between Tamil Brahmin and Seer Karuneegar

[Maash]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

Dear Maash,

It shows your maturity that you are trying to find a balanced solution to the problem. So I assume that your love for the guy has a solid basis. That I think is a basis on which you can convince your mother.That is if a guy is loved in spite of a sense of barrier among castes by some one who displays maturity, then he should possess some really attractive qualities. You can highlight those qualities that attracted you to him and also put matters in the perspective of current times where inter caste marriage is no longer a taboo. I am sure if you put across the message in the right way your mother will be convinced.

Generally if you are arguing on solid grounds and no emotional aspects involved which earlier used to be the taboo, I think it is not really that difficult to convince people.

All the best

Thank you Srinivasan sir. I will do accordingly.

-Maash

 

[rishikesan]

Analysis

Maash
I have no idea if it is mahapaavum to wear poonal just before wedding and remove after the wedding . I am a vaishnavite brahimn. this is exactly what I did

I never had a poonal ceremony . this was 35 years back . I did the same at my children s wedding . frankly most of my relatives felt sorry for me . and said paavum he

has to wear a thread to get /get his children married. lol . do not take all these rituals over seriously. the idea is to get married with minimum hurt to all around you.

Kng panchakacham .only his wife had to lend him her gothra for the function.l
l
I might be your grandfathers age . i have both accumulated experience and many paavums I have committed for what I consider good causes. pl do not feel

unnecessarily guilty

only be sure you want the man you are marrying. there may be a lot of unpleasantness from close relations .you require a lot of inner strength and convictions to go

ahead and face upto them

I have one girl in my family who was devastated after a mixed match when close relations started avoided her and stopped inviting her for any event .

more unhappiness might be there when parents unable to come to terms with it start behaving strangely

you have to steel yourself for this onslaught

if the man you have chosen does not buckle under the weight of the pressure being put on you and him , you will come out unscathed . but you need to be strong and

tough for it.

my children chose vadama iyers girl and telugu iyer boy .

I screened these entities and grandly celebrated their wedding with hotch potch rituals taking some from all their castes

but definitely get your marriage registered on marriage . it is an absolute must.good luck

Dear Krish44' I really feel that you excel in offering comments on this delicate matter. You, have mentioned that when your children choose Iyer and Telugu partners you had screened the entities as a Father and happily got them married. In the case of this Girl, Parents have not been taken
Into confidence and it has taken different direction of arguments and counter arguments leading both not able to reach an Unami oils decision?
Parents have no alternative ,but to fall in line with the wards and get them married .I reiterate the point that ,really speaking , we all know that L O V E as such is not that sacred in these modern days ,both Boys and Girls knowingly fall into the trap , may realise later in life as they may have to face plenty of Illwill and non cooperation from others.
It will be too late and they will have to face the music all by themselves,
rishikesan

den
D
Ble I'll will and misunderstandings and we would only be doing postmortem
Them married.
Thither

 

[Vaagmi]

Dear Maash,

It shows your maturity that you are trying to find a balanced solution to the problem. So I assume that your love for the guy has a solid basis. That I think is a basis on which you can convince your mother.That is if a guy is loved in spite of a sense of barrier among castes by some one who displays maturity, then he should possess some really attractive qualities. You can highlight those qualities that attracted you to him and also put matters in the perspective of current times where inter caste marriage is no longer a taboo. I am sure if you put across the message in the right way your mother will be convinced.

Generally if you are arguing on solid grounds and no emotional aspects involved which earlier used to be the taboo, I think it is not really that difficult to convince people.

All the best

Now I am convinced that the maash is not what she/he claims to be. There is no iyer girl no karuneegar boy no marriage no poonal problem or mahapavam. It is all a big game on this so called tb forum. They lived happily ever after. Carried a bada and chota peg to the bed. Lol

 

[tks]

May be true to an extent. But that is not the issue in focus here. The issue here put forth in OP is different.

It was a response to your post, not the OP.

Finding people with a high sense of personal integrity has become a rarity these days in my experience. In addition we look for someone also endowed with a sense of compassion and competence it becomes an extreme rarity.

The Brahmin community with designation being primarily by birth has not produced many such people in my limited experience. In my world I have come across people of good character and competence in all communities though still a rarity within any community.

My suggestion would be to seek to marry within one's own coimmunity if at all possible . For someone born as a Brahmin it would mean to look for alliance within Brahmin community.
More important than their birth status, I would say their character has to come first.

There are many fake Brahmins that do not live up to the meaning of the term. I know many who are simply clueless and do not know why they call themselves as Brahmins.

If the choice is between a person who is a fake brahmin or a non-brahmin with high character and values I would choose the later.

Even if the OP is not real, if a young girl has picked someone already she needs to set aside her harmmones and see if the preson she wants to marry is endowed with the right character traits.

 

[Vaagmi]

It was a response to your post, not the OP.

Finding people with a high sense of personal integrity has become a rarity these days in my experience. In addition we look for someone also endowed with a sense of compassion and competence it becomes an extreme rarity.

The Brahmin community with designation being primarily by birth has not produced many such people in my limited experience. In my world I have come across people of good character and competence in all communities though still a rarity within any community.

My suggestion would be to seek to marry within one's own coimmunity if at all possible . For someone born as a Brahmin it would mean to look for alliance within Brahmin community.
More important than their birth status, I would say their character has to come first.

There are many fake Brahmins that do not live up to the meaning of the term. I know many who are simply clueless and do not know why they call Ithemselves as Brahmins.

If the choice is between a person who is a fake brahmin or a non-brahmin with high character and values I would choose the later.

Even if the OP is not real, if a young girl has picked someone already she needs to set aside her harmmones and see if the preson she wants to marry is endowed with the right character traits.

My post was only with reference to the op.
For a marriage several qualifications need to be met. One of them is caste or varna. When I say this I do so without even a trace of superiority /inferiority conondrome. Castes are unique to Hinduism and the civilization native to this part of the globe. It may sound fashionable to say that I would prefer character to caste but that reveals a poor understanding of the issue. I would say caste and chacter are not mutually exclusive and so I would rather look for caste AND character for a sustainable marital relationship.

 

[tks]

My post was only with reference to the op.
For a marriage several qualifications need to be met. One of them is caste or varna. When I say this I do so without even a trace of superiority /inferiority conondrome. Castes are unique to Hinduism and the civilization native to this part of the globe. It may sound fashionable to say that I would prefer character to caste but that reveals a poor understanding of the issue. I would say caste and chacter are not mutually exclusive and so I would rather look for caste AND character for a sustainable marital relationship.

Your definition of caste from what I could see is birth based only. Perhaps my poor understanding but I have met a large number of birth based Brahmins whose character is very poor. In real world one does run into making this choice when character is not present in the person of your caste.

 

[Maash]

Dear Mr Vaagmi

Now I am convinced that the maash is not what she/he claims to be. There is no iyer girl no karuneegar boy no marriage no poonal problem or mahapavam. It is all a big game on this so called tb forum. They lived happily ever after. Carried a bada and chota peg to the bed. Lol

I came here to get some good advice from the wise people around here. I am not trying to make up some game and do unnecessary stuffs as I have a lot of other better things to do.

I thank everyone who helped me out with this issue.

I think it is better if we put an end to this conversation as it is going in a different direction and few here think that this was all made up. I honestly feel hurt.

Thank you all once again.

Namaskaram.

Maash

 

[prasad1]

I would first like to thank all those who replied for my query with their great thoughts. It really helped me a lot.

I would like to mention that there is absolutely no objection from my guy or his family to get married in our (tambrahm) style. He would wear a poonal and panchakacham also.

The question here is, now that he is okay to wear a poonal, what would be the procedure to get it done. Can he wear one right before the wedding and can he remove it afterwards (I know it is maha paavam to remove and wear poonal like that). But still if such a situation arises in the future, is it okay to do that. Please help.

I would also need some tips to convince my parents in a legitimate way. They should not think I am forcing them. They should understand that I have made the right choice. Why I am asking this is, some of you here would definitely be in my parents age and I would want to know what you would expect if your daughter runs into a similar situation and bring a non brahmin boy. This will really help me.

Thank you all again for all the help!

I truly appreciate!

Regards
Maash

I am going to give a hypothetical answer.
I assume we have raised a sensible daughter. I also assume that we have open communication on all subjects. Having made all that assumption, if she wants to marry the devil himself, I will give my 2 cent worth of advice against it with reasons. But even after that she still wants to marry that person, I will resolve to accept it, and give my 100% attempt. I may not like it but I do not have any choice. So I might accept it. My wife on the other hand is lot more liberal and she will welcome it enthusiastically.

We live in USA, have never lived in TN so our outlook is lot more liberal than someone who never left the interior villages of TN.
Like I said else where You can get anything done for the right amount of money. You can even get legal papers to make someone Brahmin. We have had a member in this forum (a Caucasian American) who had poonal ceremony, and now is a full time pujari in a Hindu Temple.
Depends on how much you want it.

 

[biswa]

Dear Maash,

I am an Iyengar. My husband is a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. I wear madissar whenever I wish because I like it and my husband loves to see me in madissar.

If others dont like it, it is not a problem with MY mind nor with my husband.

We are married since many years and we are the happiest couple in the world.

Question: Does your husband also preach Vaishnavism the way you preach Christianity? Otherwise things are not exactly that equal for the happiest couple, are they?

 

[renuka]

Dear Maash,

I feel instead of asking advice from presumed elders(not everyone here is s certified true oldie!LOL)..why dont you sit down with your parents and discuss their fears and anxiety with you.

Arrange for a meeting with your male friend in some informal place..try to project your man as a person who has a spine and will look after you well.

You see if I had a daughter of a marriageable age and she brings home a man she wants to marry..the 1st thing I would think is "Is this person brave enough to marry my daughter despite the odds"

For me I would like a person to maintain his individuality and not metamorphosize and become a community he is not.

Making a Non Brahmin embrace Brahmanism in my opinion sorts of make the diversity of society disappear.

A person can be good at heart with great human qualities without getting a new tag of any Ism.

In the long run..your man would feel appreciated and respected if he is allowed to be himself.

At the beginning when a guy is in love..they would even jump off a cliff for the girl they love..that is the effect of testosterone....so for a person deciding to wear a Yagnopavit and embrace some form of Brahaminism would not seem like a great deal.

Some even try to become vegetarians to please their Brahmin girlfriends only to run to some Non Veg shop after a few years of marriage.

So what is important in a relationship is breathing space.

If you feel that your man does not mind getting married the Brahmin way etc..ask him sincerely if he is doing that becos he just sees it as a marriage ritual or he is doing that to please you.

If he says he is doing that to please you..than think again..Indian males are known to regret their decisions much latter in life..dont let them have the chance to say 'I gave up my tradition for you..I gave up my culture for you" and use this as a ransom in years to come.

So my dear..sit and discuss with both your parents and your boyfriend..what you all really want.

What I cant understand in most marriages of TB girls and Non Brahmin guys is the TB girls try very hard to Brahmanize the NB guy..if TB girls miss Brahmanism so much..why dont you girls just marry a good Brahmin boy your parents find?

There would be less stress..no need to change anyone.

If you want to marry a NB..then you and him both should learn to give each other breathing space and adopt a neutral lifestyle that is fair to both.

I feel the problem seems that many TB girls seem to like NB guys for some reason but secretly still desire a Brahmin lifestyle and hope for a fusion but end up in a confusion!

So instead of getting more confused reading posts here..go home and speak to your parents and boy friend and you make the final decision..as I said before "Its YOUR life"

 

[renuka]

Let us use the words like integrity and other such character traits instead of Guna for now since the words Guna and Brahmin do not go well for you.

Lasting friendship is possible when people involved in the friendship can trust and count on each other. What parents want is that their children marry someone who is trustworthy and are likely to be a lasting friend. They superimpose this wish by also requiring that such people are best found within their caste only.

This young lady is asking a question about how to ensure she convinces her mother. Telling her to focus on evaluating extent of sexual attraction only is a distraction. Telling her to ignore everyone including her mother if her attraction is strong is unwise in the long run.

Changing the discussion with her mother from caste specifics to character focus is relevant if she is convinced the man she is considering to marry is of exemplary character in her mind.

OK I get it...I didnt know many are celibate!LOL

 

[sravna]

My post was only with reference to the op.
For a marriage several qualifications need to be met. One of them is caste or varna. When I say this I do so without even a trace of superiority /inferiority conondrome. Castes are unique to Hinduism and the civilization native to this part of the globe. It may sound fashionable to say that I would prefer character to caste but that reveals a poor understanding of the issue. I would say caste and chacter are not mutually exclusive and so I would rather look for caste AND character for a sustainable marital relationship.

Dear Shri Vaagmi,

The power of brahmin culture has been such a positive force on its members and actually I still consider in general, the brahmin boys to be more inclined towards moral values and possess fear for doing anything unrighteous. But the situation is fast changing and unless a concerted effort is made to stem the rot among the brahmin youth, they may be really no such things to speak of the brahmins in the future.

Having said the above, I think there are men of character in every community and I hope the lady has been wise in her choice.

 

[Raji Ram]

............We live in USA, have never lived in TN so our outlook is lot more liberal than someone who never left the interior villages of TN.
Like I said else where You can get anything done for the right amount of money. You can even get legal papers to make someone Brahmin. We have had a member in this forum (a Caucasian American) who had poonal ceremony, and now is a full time pujari in a Hindu Temple.
Depends on how much you want it.

Dear Prasad Sir,

Is it possible for everyone to strive like our Sankara to attain brahminhood?

He troubled himself a lot to achieve that! :ballchain:

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

If you see the matrimonial sites, you can see words like orthodox, traditional, moderate and liberal. These are the four main

categories of born brahmins! Orthodox Bs are supposed to do sandhyavandhanam everyday at least twice, do pooja every

morning and visit temples often; some guys sport a lovely tuft too! Traditional Bs like to do some poojas, go to temples and

act as if they are only Bs born on earth! Moderate Bs are those who believe in God and are social drinkers! Now you know

what a liberal B means!

So, girls wish to have compatibility and try to choose the guy from the same category as theirs!


Now an interesting story! One of my nephews sports a tuft and when he was in the U S of A, a modern brahmin girl invited him

to the coffee shop! Poor guy did not even guess that she will propose to him with a condition that he should sacrifice his tuft

and join in social drinking! You can guess it right... that guy :bolt: immediately!

Poor ambi!

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Dear Maash,

I am an Iyengar. My husband is a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. I wear madissar whenever I wish because I like it and my husband loves to see me in madissar.



Again, you are hiding the real truth. It is not surprising that your husband is a disciple of his saviour, since he is a Christian. But what about you; are you a Hindu or Christian?

If you are 100% convert, you are not supposed to talk about subjects related to other Religion.

 

[renuka]

Now an interesting story! One of my nephews sports a tuft and when he was in the U S of A, a modern brahmin girl invited him

to the coffee shop! Poor guy did not even guess that she will propose to him with a condition that he should sacrifice his tuft

and join in social drinking! You can guess it right... that guy :bolt: immediately!

Poor ambi!

Dear RR ji,

Its seems to me that the girl was just teasing the Ambi...she very well knew he would run!LOL

Well..let me relate another Ambi story.

When I was in college there used to be an Ambi in my class a TB from TN.

He totally lacked social skills and would get all worked up if someone scored higher than him!

Then he had fear of females..if we say hello to him..he would never wish us back and just walk away.

One day he left his bag in class and a girl found it and returned it to him the next day and he did not even say thank you and asked her to place it on the table and he refused to take it from her hand.

So we girls thought Ambi needs to be taught a lesson.

So we bought many Debonair magazines which had unclad female pics as it center fold.

We put all those pics in a big envelope and wrote his name and hostel room number and asked another guy to place it at Ambi's door!

Ambi did not come to class for 2 days..dont know why..one person said he was not well.

Then after 2 days..Ambi comes to class..No more Vibuthi..no more nerdy hairstyle and he walked in a confident young man and he loudly said to all girls "Hi Girls!"...then he became totally friendly with all girls.

He changed over nite and now he is such a happening person online too..never misses any college reunion even if its over seas..his Tamil used to be TB tamil but now its totally not TB tamil..in fact he uses the word Machi very often.

So you see I managed to transform an Ambi!LOL He has no idea till today who sent him those pics.

 

[krish44]

Dear RR ji,

Its seems to me that the girl was just teasing the Ambi...she very well knew he would run!LOL

Well..let me relate another Ambi story.

When I was in college there used to be an Ambi in my class a TB from TN.

He totally lacked social skills and would get all worked up if someone scored higher than him!

Then he had fear of females..if we say hello to him..he would never wish us back and just walk away.

One day he left his bag in class and a girl found it and returned it to him the next day and he did not even say thank you and asked her to place it on the table and he refused to take it from her hand.

So we girls thought Ambi needs to be taught a lesson.

So we bought many Debonair magazines which had unclad female pics as it center fold.

We put all those pics in a big envelope and wrote his name and hostel room number and asked another guy to place it at Ambi's door!

Ambi did not come to class for 2 days..dont know why..one person said he was not well.

Then after 2 days..Ambi comes to class..No more Vibuthi..no more nerdy hairstyle and he walked in a confident young man and he loudly said to all girls "Hi Girls!"...then he became totally friendly with all girls.

He changed over nite and now he is such a happening person online too..never misses any college reunion even if its over seas..his Tamil used to be TB tamil but now its totally not TB tamil..in fact he uses the word Machi very often.

So you see I managed to transform an Ambi!LOL He has no idea till today who sent him those pics.

while on ambis

one of my relatives daughter born and brought up in a liberal household with good academic qualifications offered to marry an ambi highly academically qualified engineer

working in atomic energy

establishment but sporting a tuft because of his own convictions .all were aghast with her choice

she married him and within a year he was without a tuft and had turned over a new leaf .

see what girls can do to boys.lol

 

[krish44]

Dear Maash,

I feel instead of asking advice from presumed elders(not everyone here is s certified true oldie!LOL)..why dont you sit down with your parents and discuss their fears and anxiety with you.

Arrange for a meeting with your male friend in some informal place..try to project your man as a person who has a spine and will look after you well.

You see if I had a daughter of a marriageable age and she brings home a man she wants to marry..the 1st thing I would think is "Is this person brave enough to marry my daughter despite the odds"

For me I would like a person to maintain his individuality and not metamorphosize and become a community he is not.

Making a Non Brahmin embrace Brahmanism in my opinion sorts of make the diversity of society disappear.

A person can be good at heart with great human qualities without getting a new tag of any Ism.

In the long run..your man would feel appreciated and respected if he is allowed to be himself.

At the beginning when a guy is in love..they would even jump off a cliff for the girl they love..that is the effect of testosterone....so for a person deciding to wear a Yagnopavit and embrace some form of Brahaminism would not seem like a great deal.

Some even try to become vegetarians to please their Brahmin girlfriends only to run to some Non Veg shop after a few years of marriage.

So what is important in a relationship is breathing space.

If you feel that your man does not mind getting married the Brahmin way etc..ask him sincerely if he is doing that becos he just sees it as a marriage ritual or he is doing that to please you.

If he says he is doing that to please you..than think again..Indian males are known to regret their decisions much latter in life..dont let them have the chance to say 'I gave up my tradition for you..I gave up my culture for you" and use this as a ransom in years to come.

So my dear..sit and discuss with both your parents and your boyfriend..what you all really want.

What I cant understand in most marriages of TB girls and Non Brahmin guys is the TB girls try very hard to Brahmanize the NB guy..if TB girls miss Brahmanism so much..why dont you girls just marry a good Brahmin boy your parents find?

There would be less stress..no need to change anyone.

If you want to marry a NB..then you and him both should learn to give each other breathing space and adopt a neutral lifestyle that is fair to both.

I feel the problem seems that many TB girls seem to like NB guys for some reason but secretly still desire a Brahmin lifestyle and hope for a fusion but end up in a confusion!

So instead of getting more confused reading posts here..go home and speak to your parents and boy friend and you make the final decision..as I said before "Its YOUR life"

I remember the film /novel Two states of chetan bhagat . How the prospective son in law in love with a tambrahms daughter sells himself to girls parents by doing chores

for the girls father and arranging music concert to cultivate the girls mother. many times it is better to make the boy who wants to marry to take the initiative to

facilitate the marriage by talking to all relatives instead of the girl.unnecessarily the girl is taking too much initiative. she should let the man manage it . if he is successful
in convincing both parents,marry him .if not ,it might not be worth marrying him.lol

 

[Kuvalayavalli]

Dear Maash,

I feel instead of asking advice from presumed elders(not everyone here is s certified true oldie!LOL)..why dont you sit down with your parents and discuss their fears and anxiety with you.

Arrange for a meeting with your male friend in some informal place..try to project your man as a person who has a spine and will look after you well.

You see if I had a daughter of a marriageable age and she brings home a man she wants to marry..the 1st thing I would think is "Is this person brave enough to marry my daughter despite the odds"

For me I would like a person to maintain his individuality and not metamorphosize and become a community he is not.

Making a Non Brahmin embrace Brahmanism in my opinion sorts of make the diversity of society disappear.

A person can be good at heart with great human qualities without getting a new tag of any Ism.

In the long run..your man would feel appreciated and respected if he is allowed to be himself.

At the beginning when a guy is in love..they would even jump off a cliff for the girl they love..that is the effect of testosterone....so for a person deciding to wear a Yagnopavit and embrace some form of Brahaminism would not seem like a great deal.

Some even try to become vegetarians to please their Brahmin girlfriends only to run to some Non Veg shop after a few years of marriage.

So what is important in a relationship is breathing space.

If you feel that your man does not mind getting married the Brahmin way etc..ask him sincerely if he is doing that becos he just sees it as a marriage ritual or he is doing that to please you.

If he says he is doing that to please you..than think again..Indian males are known to regret their decisions much latter in life..dont let them have the chance to say 'I gave up my tradition for you..I gave up my culture for you" and use this as a ransom in years to come.

So my dear..sit and discuss with both your parents and your boyfriend..what you all really want.

What I cant understand in most marriages of TB girls and Non Brahmin guys is the TB girls try very hard to Brahmanize the NB guy..if TB girls miss Brahmanism so much..why dont you girls just marry a good Brahmin boy your parents find?

There would be less stress..no need to change anyone.

If you want to marry a NB..then you and him both should learn to give each other breathing space and adopt a neutral lifestyle that is fair to both.

I feel the problem seems that many TB girls seem to like NB guys for some reason but secretly still desire a Brahmin lifestyle and hope for a fusion but end up in a confusion!

So instead of getting more confused reading posts here..go home and speak to your parents and boy friend and you make the final decision..as I said before "Its YOUR life"

Dear Renuka,

In the present scenario, brahminism exists only in letter and not in spirit. That renders brahminism synonymous with hypocrisy. Whatever brahminizing means, it remains only in the external and perhaps hence Maash's lover was flexible to yield to brahmin style of wedding.

Hardly any brahmin born in the 80s and hence perform any brahmin ritual. Many do not know sandhyavandhanam let alone perform it.

In the days to come brahminism, howsoever it is interpreted, is goint to become inevitably extinct. There is no point desperately holding on to so-called-brahmin-traditions, customs etc. It is an exercise in futility. Brahmins are digging the grave for brahminism themselves by their lifestyles, blind imitation of the west etc. Most brahmin girls walk around only in western outfits. Few sport traditional costumes only during special occasions like marriage etc.

In whatsoever way brahmin women distinguished themselves in the past, internally, externally, superficially etc, they have ceased from. Realizing that they would be isolated otherwise, brahmin women have mingled with others adopted a lifestyle which is becoming universal. In a way that is a wise move. The brahmin women are in a transition stage its completion is around the corner. They have broken almost all barriers, every yoke and bondage that have held them in captivity. We are no longer brahmin women, but WOMEN. We are no longer confined to the kitchen. We are career women. But for our anatomy and physical functionings which puts some constraints on us, we are in no way inferior to men in general and to brahmin men in particular.

I trust Maash would realize this and arrive at a wise decision.

 

[Maash]

Thank you!

Dear Maash,

I feel instead of asking advice from presumed elders(not everyone here is s certified true oldie!LOL)..why dont you sit down with your parents and discuss their fears and anxiety with you.

Arrange for a meeting with your male friend in some informal place..try to project your man as a person who has a spine and will look after you well.

You see if I had a daughter of a marriageable age and she brings home a man she wants to marry..the 1st thing I would think is "Is this person brave enough to marry my daughter despite the odds"

For me I would like a person to maintain his individuality and not metamorphosize and become a community he is not.

Making a Non Brahmin embrace Brahmanism in my opinion sorts of make the diversity of society disappear.

A person can be good at heart with great human qualities without getting a new tag of any Ism.

In the long run..your man would feel appreciated and respected if he is allowed to be himself.

At the beginning when a guy is in love..they would even jump off a cliff for the girl they love..that is the effect of testosterone....so for a person deciding to wear a Yagnopavit and embrace some form of Brahaminism would not seem like a great deal.

Some even try to become vegetarians to please their Brahmin girlfriends only to run to some Non Veg shop after a few years of marriage.

So what is important in a relationship is breathing space.

If you feel that your man does not mind getting married the Brahmin way etc..ask him sincerely if he is doing that becos he just sees it as a marriage ritual or he is doing that to please you.

If he says he is doing that to please you..than think again..Indian males are known to regret their decisions much latter in life..dont let them have the chance to say 'I gave up my tradition for you..I gave up my culture for you" and use this as a ransom in years to come.

So my dear..sit and discuss with both your parents and your boyfriend..what you all really want.

What I cant understand in most marriages of TB girls and Non Brahmin guys is the TB girls try very hard to Brahmanize the NB guy..if TB girls miss Brahmanism so much..why dont you girls just marry a good Brahmin boy your parents find?

There would be less stress..no need to change anyone.

If you want to marry a NB..then you and him both should learn to give each other breathing space and adopt a neutral lifestyle that is fair to both.

I feel the problem seems that many TB girls seem to like NB guys for some reason but secretly still desire a Brahmin lifestyle and hope for a fusion but end up in a confusion!

So instead of getting more confused reading posts here..go home and speak to your parents and boy friend and you make the final decision..as I said before "Its YOUR life"

Thanks you Renuka ji for the insights.

 

[krish44]

Dear Renuka,

In the present scenario, brahminism exists only in letter and not in spirit. That renders brahminism synonymous with hypocrisy. Whatever brahminizing means, it remains only in the external and perhaps hence Maash's lover was flexible to yield to brahmin style of wedding.

Hardly any brahmin born in the 80s and hence perform any brahmin ritual. Many do not know sandhyavandhanam let alone perform it.

In the days to come brahminism, howsoever it is interpreted, is goint to become inevitably extinct. There is no point desperately holding on to so-called-brahmin-traditions, customs etc. It is an exercise in futility. Brahmins are digging the grave for brahminism themselves by their lifestyles, blind imitation of the west etc. Most brahmin girls walk around only in western outfits. Few sport traditional costumes only during special occasions like marriage etc.

In whatsoever way brahmin women distinguished themselves in the past, internally, externally, superficially etc, they have ceased from. Realizing that they would be isolated otherwise, brahmin women have mingled with others adopted a lifestyle which is becoming universal. In a way that is a wise move. The brahmin women are in a transition stage its completion is around the corner. They have broken almost all barriers, every yoke and bondage that have held them in captivity. We are no longer brahmin women, but WOMEN. We are no longer confined to the kitchen. We are career women. But for our anatomy and physical functionings which puts some constraints on us, we are in no way inferior to men in general and to brahmin men in particular.

I trust Maash would realize this and arrive at a wise decision.

dear madam
pl do not write off TBs so easily

we have also the equal potential to turn christians into brahmins in no time and absorb them in our families

In my family we have absorbed a couple of them both boys and girls

girl sports sindhur and thaali while performing our rituals and worships husband and jesus in bedroom lol

boy perfoms homam in grihapravesam on lent gothra of wife

forget extinction of brahmins . with new govt all backwards and thepoor converted thru inducement to christianity will return to hindu fold

our girls adopting the western way of dressing are only decoys to trap westerners into the hindu fold.lol

you see every year lot of westerners marry indian brahmin girls and some turn hindu ,practising vegetarianism . some also join our hare krishna movement .

we have turned our career minded TB girls loose . we will have the last laugh .lol

 

[Vaagmi]

Yes. And when that happens those who converted to Christianity will be left wondering what went wrong. Lol.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

In the Ambi episode that I wrote, the girl was really serious. She even told him that her ancestors also belong the village of his ancestors.

He is a very intelligent guy who cleared his CA exam along with his undergrad degree! Probably she wanted to catch him to beget very

intelligent progeny! :baby:

P.S: Finally, his Guru chose the right girl for him at the right time!

 

[Vaagmi]

Dear RR ji,

Its seems to me that the girl was just teasing the Ambi...she very well knew he would run!LOL

Well..let me relate another Ambi story.

When I was in college there used to be an Ambi in my class a TB from TN.

He totally lacked social skills and would get all worked up if someone scored higher than him!

Then he had fear of females..if we say hello to him..he would never wish us back and just walk away.

One day he left his bag in class and a girl found it and returned it to him the next day and he did not even say thank you and asked her to place it on the table and he refused to take it from her hand.

So we girls thought Ambi needs to be taught a lesson.

So we bought many Debonair magazines which had unclad female pics as it center fold.

We put all those pics in a big envelope and wrote his name and hostel room number and asked another guy to place it at Ambi's door!

Ambi did not come to class for 2 days..dont know why..one person said he was not well.

Then after 2 days..Ambi comes to class..No more Vibuthi..no more nerdy hairstyle and he walked in a confident young man and he loudly said to all girls "Hi Girls!"...then he became totally friendly with all girls.

He changed over nite and now he is such a happening person online too..never misses any college reunion even if its over seas..his Tamil used to be TB tamil but now its totally not TB tamil..in fact he uses the word Machi very often.

So you see I managed to transform an Ambi!LOL He has no idea till today who sent him those pics.

Renukaji,

That was a well spun story. I thought the end was going to be something like this:

.....Then after 2 days ....Ambi comes to class....No more vibhuti...no more nerdy hairstyle and he walked in a confident young man and he loudly said to all girls "Hi Girls".....then he became totally friendly with all girls. From then on every month promptly he used to buy all the copies of Debonair magazine sold in the town and distribute them to each one of us. And we all used to enjoy it (particularly the centre spread) together as we were all happening persons. Thus the only Ambi in the class was banished for ever and a new thambi was born.

Disappointed. LOL.

 

[renuka]

Renukaji,

That was a well spun story. I thought the end was going to be something like this:

.....Then after 2 days ....Ambi comes to class....No more vibhuti...no more nerdy hairstyle and he walked in a confident young man and he loudly said to all girls "Hi Girls".....then he became totally friendly with all girls. From then on every month promptly he used to buy all the copies of Debonair magazine sold in the town and distribute them to each one of us. And we all used to enjoy it (particularly the centre spread) together as we were all happening persons. Thus the only Ambi in the class was banished for ever and a new thambi was born.

Disappointed. LOL.

As far as I know he was not known to spend much money even though he came from a well to do home..I dont think he would have spent money on such magazines.

We girls used to buy to check out the centre folds..actually nothing really great or to shout about...most of the centre folds were fat!LOL

But the magazines also had good recipes and other information especially politics.