Comparing intercaste marriages (TB vs Other Brahmins)

[sravna]

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The stupidity, dumbness and cluelessness continue. This posted meant to be on The magic of Spiritual energy thread. Sorry.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Atlast the Kanchi Sankaracharya has spoken on this indirectly

View attachment 22315

Was he not controversial in some aspects and did he not face severe criticisms?

Unity among Brahmins is relevant only if Smartha Brahmins and Vaishnavite Brahmins go separate and get independent religious status, if possible.

 

[vgane]

Was he not controversial in some aspects and did he not face severe criticisms?

Unity among Brahmins is relevant only if Smartha Brahmins and Vaishnavite Brahmins go separate and get independent religious status, if possible.

Why are you dividing Tamil Brahmins? What is your intention? Why are you trying to belittle the Kanchi Sankaracharya?

 

[a-TB]

Why are you dividing Tamil Brahmins? What is your intention? Why are you trying to belittle the Kanchi Sankaracharya?

The decline among TB community has to do with in-fighting and lack of clarity as to what it means to be a TB Jaathi. Right now it seems to be divisiveness, superstition as a way of life and self-centeredness supported by intellectual laziness

Brahmin Varna managed to preserve over million lines of mantras over several thousand years. We are grateful for the preservation of universal teachings against more than 1000 years of invasion. Respect and regard is naturally earned by all. Brahmin Varna lived without material acquisition. Yagna, tapas and Danam in terms of teaching were the hall marks

How many in today’s TB group that has done anything close. Even amongst scholars there is intellectual laziness and divisiveness. These Tamasic traits make them Sudra varna.

If there is a western philosophy of say Immanuel Kant and there is a question. Will people make up answers. But bring topics of Vedanta and Gita. Everyone makes things up without proper study. This is but an example of intellectual laziness. You cannot preserve what you cannot understand.

The religious functions tend to be display of ego clashes. Or it is about putting down other Jaathis. The priests mumble and onlookers are clueless as to what is chanted. The yajamana that is one doing the function is equally clueless and touches his nose if told to. What kind of culture is that.

How can such a culture sustain regard. Or prevent extinction. Just review some of the posts right here to get examples of each kind of ignorance.

The message is to earn the rights to be called a Brahmin. It starts with learning universal truths in scriptures. Be kind and compassionate. Stop in fighting. Help others. Tyaga is needed in life. Stop being intellectually lazy. Other communities will want TB to thrive

 

[vgane]

why do you think girls from other communities don't do IC marriage, it's because they don't educate their girls, that's why

You are mistaken! As surname is written by all the castes the other Brahmins( non Tamil Brahmins ) identify who is from their folk while falling in love in the office! This may look a bit odd for those who vouch for love at first sight! I have seen this personally!

 

[RamyaRaji]

The decline among TB community has to do with in-fighting and lack of clarity as to what it means to be a TB Jaathi. Right now it seems to be divisiveness, superstition as a way of life and self-centeredness supported by intellectual laziness

Brahmin Varna managed to preserve over million lines of mantras over several thousand years. We are grateful for the preservation of universal teachings against more than 1000 years of invasion. Respect and regard is naturally earned by all. Brahmin Varna lived without material acquisition. Yagna, tapas and Danam in terms of teaching were the hall marks

How many in today’s TB group that has done anything close. Even amongst scholars there is intellectual laziness and divisiveness. These Tamasic traits make them Sudra varna.

If there is a western philosophy of say Immanuel Kant and there is a question. Will people make up answers. But bring topics of Vedanta and Gita. Everyone makes things up without proper study. This is but an example of intellectual laziness. You cannot preserve what you cannot understand.

The religious functions tend to be display of ego clashes. Or it is about putting down other Jaathis. The priests mumble and onlookers are clueless as to what is chanted. The yajamana that is one doing the function is equally clueless and touches his nose if told to. What kind of culture is that.

How can such a culture sustain regard. Or prevent extinction. Just review some of the posts right here to get examples of each kind of ignorance.

The message is to earn the rights to be called a Brahmin. It starts with learning universal truths in scriptures. Be kind and compassionate. Stop in fighting. Help others. Tyaga is needed in life. Stop being intellectually lazy. Other communities will want

Glad to see someone has this perspective.A few of my thoughts (rants probably, didn't mean to be offending any one, limited to my experiences); I wish people be 'humans' first, before they call themselves a brahmin because of birth, practices, whatever!. Based on my experience, the last 17 to 18 years I feel majority of people, i came across are still 200 to 300 years backward!

While I was married, treatment was more of a maid, (Actual words by my FIL: "If i was not working they would not have to hire a maid!"; I was in early 20's to really understand the veracity of this and was fairly new to their family. I found a maid /paid salary, as beyond a point it was difficult for me handle work, home, chores, baby, managing 'rules' of the house (I still have a list of rules that was given to me!) Plus ex didn't have stable job).

Now after I came out of marriage , been close to a decade( refering to my earlier posts on the same) was it any better with fellow tbs?. No!. This is when i understood things are not over for me in terms of treatment ,and divorcees are actually untouchables and looked down upon! That was a surprise! (Despite me from prominent B school, and in a senior consulting position in a mnc). Actual words by a Tb relative was ' Neeyellam epdi oru ambala illaama oru life lead panna porayo!' - His tone discarded and destroyed me altogether before everyone ; me and my achievements were reduced to nothing! It was also incorrect of me to expect people to support or encourage me, my bad. What he doesn't know is I do live comfortably better than I would with a man; infact i pay my care taker (I don't call her maid) more than my ex would earn!.( I now understand why someone here suggested not to educate women. We know how to hold our values, Wish people grow up!!)

It is been a decade I was called or invited for any auspicious occasion. Even the ones I sponsored (mom's 80th b day) I was asked to stay on one corner! There are some instances I had to give my presence unavoidably, people tried their best to remove me from the place, or those indirect words pierced me -so i always kept away, respecting their faith. People like me are not here to wish bad for others, just because our marriage didn't work, We go through a lot before making such decision and we are more balanced than people think and honestly we would want the couple to live and stay together longer; Plus my worth doesn't lie in marriage. Only one in last 10 years -thankfully we had an opportunity to attend an auspicious occasion, when one of my cousin married a non brahmin, they were broad minded enough, they let me do rituals on the dias.

However this has its own ripple impact.My daughter has absolutely no connect to close relatives or any other TBs, occassions as we are mostly avoided anywhere and everywhere she has not seen any customs/traditions other than the regular festivals at home. (which is one reason am trying my best to learn things from this forum). She is terrified of people in general as well.

I seriously don't know why there should be so much of superiority complex when we hold on to such superstitions even to this day, and why would not a community decline? Irrespective of caste should we not aim to be better humans first?.All i see is most of the time many of my relatives praying to a photo as diety, and never try to listen , understand or follow teachings /discourses of any acharya; We dont live the preachings ; We only follow blindsided practices ; If asked for meaning many are not in a position to explain why we do- what we do; No humanity, and we are expecting us to thrive!

 

[RSSARMA52]

Each persons observation as per their community and office environment living. There are good, bad and the ugly in this which I observed for many years.
Today it is a common thing. I also remember that one such Maharashtra Brahman who had 4 daughters. He is legal profession and first daughter studied law. She helped father further promoting hee father's profession forward and solving cases as she us fresh. Then she went abroad for further studies. She had degree with dating a foreigner and brought him to India to meet his father. But he was in a different profession like music or other. She got married to him in India and I attended their reception at his home. Then she flew away with her husband. The other daughter's were studying that time. Father as before started his own legal profession himself.
So presently we are connected to the world by social media. Attractions doesn't need physical presence and proximity to know each other but just attracted by look and talk and socializing.
Arranged marriage how much parents do their research and consult Astrologer but once this self selection comes nothing stand between them.
Why only marriages there are infatuations to already married peoples life get damaged by arrogance of unacceptable reality by the peoples.
As long as a marriage between couples are making them happy, good life and dignity nothing to worry further.
I have seen girls married into husband's family never ever went to her parents home. But at the same time girls after marriage living not without their parents home and frequently present there. I knew a family where the mother-in-law's both married daughters ever present in her mother's home on all weekends at her married elder brother home. Husband has three more brothers but mother-in-law never tell them not to disturb by this attitude.
So life goes on with people to people.
I had a friend. Who one day said he is going to another state as his daughter's father-in-law's 60th birthday. He said she pulled me to court to marry her love to a Brahmin boy but the girl's is not brahmins but a good status name which I avoid writing here.
Once there was debate on a stage between two different sub-sects. The speaker arrived then asked what is the subject. He simply looked at the banner behind him and said one of it mine and you all know my personal life. No more to elaborate. Let the other speaker speak his point. This speaker has three wife. So accepting the fact.

 

[sravna]

Glad to see someone has this perspective.A few of my thoughts (rants probably, didn't mean to be offending any one, limited to my experiences); I wish people be 'humans' first, before they call themselves a brahmin because of birth, practices, whatever!. Based on my experience, the last 17 to 18 years I feel majority of people, i came across are still 200 to 300 years backward!

While I was married, treatment was more of a maid, (Actual words by my FIL: "If i was not working they would not have to hire a maid!"; I was in early 20's to really understand the veracity of this and was fairly new to their family. I found a maid /paid salary, as beyond a point it was difficult for me handle work, home, chores, baby, managing 'rules' of the house (I still have a list of rules that was given to me!) Plus ex didn't have stable job).

Now after I came out of marriage , been close to a decade( refering to my earlier posts on the same) was it any better with fellow tbs?. No!. This is when i understood things are not over for me in terms of treatment ,and divorcees are actually untouchables and looked down upon! That was a surprise! (Despite me from prominent B school, and in a senior consulting position in a mnc). Actual words by a Tb relative was ' Neeyellam epdi oru ambala illaama oru life lead panna porayo!' - His tone discarded and destroyed me altogether before everyone ; me and my achievements were reduced to nothing! It was also incorrect of me to expect people to support or encourage me, my bad. What he doesn't know is I do live comfortably better than I would with a man; infact i pay my care taker (I don't call her maid) more than my ex would earn!.( I now understand why someone here suggested not to educate women. We know how to hold our values, Wish people grow up!!)

It is been a decade I was called or invited for any auspicious occasion. Even the ones I sponsored (mom's 80th b day) I was asked to stay on one corner! There are some instances I had to give my presence unavoidably, people tried their best to remove me from the place, or those indirect words pierced me -so i always kept away, respecting their faith. People like me are not here to wish bad for others, just because our marriage didn't work, We go through a lot before making such decision and we are more balanced than people think and honestly we would want the couple to live and stay together longer; Plus my worth doesn't lie in marriage. Only one in last 10 years -thankfully we had an opportunity to attend an auspicious occasion, when one of my cousin married a non brahmin, they were broad minded enough, they let me do rituals on the dias.

However this has its own ripple impact.My daughter has absolutely no connect to close relatives or any other TBs, occassions as we are mostly avoided anywhere and everywhere she has not seen any customs/traditions other than the regular festivals at home. (which is one reason am trying my best to learn things from this forum). She is terrified of people in general as well.

I seriously don't know why there should be so much of superiority complex when we hold on to such superstitions even to this day, and why would not a community decline? Irrespective of caste should we not aim to be better humans first?.All i see is most of the time many of my relatives praying to a photo as diety, and never try to listen , understand or follow teachings /discourses of any acharya; We dont live the preachings ; We only follow blindsided practices ; If asked for meaning many are not in a position to explain why we do- what we do; No humanity, and we are expecting us to thrive!

Dear Madam,

One is able to understand and empathize with your heartfelt feelings. The fact that this is happening in a community touted for sattvic qualities is appaling. Having said that many a times people are acting out of base human instincts which simply overwhelm the self.

Humans are still early in the path of evolution though mahaans do appear now and then for the benefit of humans.

TBs are humans and hence the observed behaviour. From my own experience in spirituality I would say TBs are at a higher tolerance level though that is not sufficient enough for kali yoga. Hence you see them as bad as others in terms of fine qualities.

There is no excuse though and TBs have to rise a notch or two if they claim superior knowledge. All humans are capable of great qualities though sattvic qualities make them easier to attain. By sattvic I don't mean to attribute it to brahmins only but to anyone who has those qualities.

I wish people realize sooner than later that pure selfish and materialistic obsession are self destructive and correct the course for their own good and for that of the society.

 

[renuka]

Glad to see someone has this perspective.A few of my thoughts (rants probably, didn't mean to be offending any one, limited to my experiences); I wish people be 'humans' first, before they call themselves a brahmin because of birth, practices, whatever!. Based on my experience, the last 17 to 18 years I feel majority of people, i came across are still 200 to 300 years backward!

While I was married, treatment was more of a maid, (Actual words by my FIL: "If i was not working they would not have to hire a maid!"; I was in early 20's to really understand the veracity of this and was fairly new to their family. I found a maid /paid salary, as beyond a point it was difficult for me handle work, home, chores, baby, managing 'rules' of the house (I still have a list of rules that was given to me!) Plus ex didn't have stable job).

Now after I came out of marriage , been close to a decade( refering to my earlier posts on the same) was it any better with fellow tbs?. No!. This is when i understood things are not over for me in terms of treatment ,and divorcees are actually untouchables and looked down upon! That was a surprise! (Despite me from prominent B school, and in a senior consulting position in a mnc). Actual words by a Tb relative was ' Neeyellam epdi oru ambala illaama oru life lead panna porayo!' - His tone discarded and destroyed me altogether before everyone ; me and my achievements were reduced to nothing! It was also incorrect of me to expect people to support or encourage me, my bad. What he doesn't know is I do live comfortably better than I would with a man; infact i pay my care taker (I don't call her maid) more than my ex would earn!.( I now understand why someone here suggested not to educate women. We know how to hold our values, Wish people grow up!!)

It is been a decade I was called or invited for any auspicious occasion. Even the ones I sponsored (mom's 80th b day) I was asked to stay on one corner! There are some instances I had to give my presence unavoidably, people tried their best to remove me from the place, or those indirect words pierced me -so i always kept away, respecting their faith. People like me are not here to wish bad for others, just because our marriage didn't work, We go through a lot before making such decision and we are more balanced than people think and honestly we would want the couple to live and stay together longer; Plus my worth doesn't lie in marriage. Only one in last 10 years -thankfully we had an opportunity to attend an auspicious occasion, when one of my cousin married a non brahmin, they were broad minded enough, they let me do rituals on the dias.

However this has its own ripple impact.My daughter has absolutely no connect to close relatives or any other TBs, occassions as we are mostly avoided anywhere and everywhere she has not seen any customs/traditions other than the regular festivals at home. (which is one reason am trying my best to learn things from this forum). She is terrified of people in general as well.

I seriously don't know why there should be so much of superiority complex when we hold on to such superstitions even to this day, and why would not a community decline? Irrespective of caste should we not aim to be better humans first?.All i see is most of the time many of my relatives praying to a photo as diety, and never try to listen , understand or follow teachings /discourses of any acharya; We dont live the preachings ; We only follow blindsided practices ; If asked for meaning many are not in a position to explain why we do- what we do; No humanity, and we are expecting us to thrive!

You have been through a lot.
You are kind and able to handle life well despite all odds.
I usually dont use the word Strong because it gives an impression that we should only force ourselves to be strong and not identify with any weak moments we have.
As a human we have both strength and weakness..its through our weakness we gain strength.
Thats why I prefer to call you a balanced person who has the insight to handle the ups and downs of life.

Since you want your daughter to keep in touch with tradition, why dont you sign her up with Samskrita Bharati and get her to learn Sanskrit.
Once she learns Sanskrit it would help her gain deeper understanding of traditions, mantras and text such as Gita and Vedanta.

Speak to your daugter and ask her if she would like to learn Sanskrit.

Lots of love