Finding A Match For A Tamil Brahmin

[mkrishna100]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

you do not marry a girl ,you marry a

family.this wisdom comes to most boys only after marriage.lol

True .

 

[krish44]

The male to female ratio is highly imbalanced and the no of girls for 1000 boys is highly reduced and the same is true for Brahmin families .I do not have the statistics but that is the truth .Plus TB Girls are giving more importance to their education and career and not willing to compromise the same for marriage and many TB girls are also not getting married for the same reason . If at all they settle down for marriage it is only with that Guy who is not interfering in their education , job .and in fact willing to re-orient his career to accommodate the demands of the Girls . No longer are TB Girls willing to play the role of DIL and this is a shocking reality many TB boys and their parents are unwilling to come to terms with . Recently one of my cousin from Mumbai told me that his daughter is making impossible demands from the boys side and they are frustrated as she is just rejecting each and every boy with one reason or the other and wants a perfect match ( perfect according to her ) . The Girl is now in USA first went for studies and employed there and her demands have increased more and they said they have given up seeing alliance for her and told her to find a boy for herself and even if it means he belongs to other caste / community . The Girl is still searching and I have no idea whether she will find a match that will fit her 100% requirements . I am not judging anyone here but only pointing out the reality that TB Girls have become more assertive and have increased their demands . While it is hurting the TB boys , I can also see frustration in many TB girls parents ( as far as my family & relative circle I know it for sure ) who acknowledge they their daughters are too much demanding and not taking practical realities in to account ..Many TB Girls parents have given up seeing grooms for their girls and given them freedom to make their own choice .

Conceded that educated working girls aspire for a better future for themselves. they are prepared to go abroad and work there for more money.they have become demanding regarding the mate they want. caste etc does not seem to count for much .only education ,job and looks of boys and they want guys who can give them space to fulfill their career and lifetime goals.When society as a whole has become this way,can girls be far behind?

 

[baskarenh]

Sir change is inevitable and we should not generalise without hard facts ( numbers which no one has). Everyone is going by their own experiences and if it is bad then paint everything as bad. Also will strongly protest sweeping generalisation on character of the younger generations pre- marriage etc( you cant taint the entire community becuase of few bad apples or someone had bad experience).

Fortunately I have seen only the positive and the best exempleary character in my last 2 decades of seeing several cousins , relatives and friends as well ad in them settling down with great partners thru the same process which few are criticizing.

To add girls are well educated , well placed and have huge expectations not only in TB but also in every community. Parents are equally to blame here.


Sad to see people comparing our rituals with lack of rituals of a nadar or nair family( only reflects our lack of understanding of what the rituals are). Happy to see the response to the nadar sweeping statement by another member who had highlighted the rampant dowry demands in nadar communities.

Would be very happy if the group focuses on possible solutions than nit picking on TB. Lets be proud of what we are ( unless we have members here who are not TB)

Marrying out of community is defienetly not a solution.

Change is inevitable, how does one handle this change.

Sincere apologies if I have offended anyone( no dis respect to anyone)

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Marriage doesnot end with Maldevis Honeymoon !! Aasai arupadhu nall Moham Mupathy Nall story will be diastrous ! Serious couple plan and proceed to take decision to keep the marriage intact Needs lot of understanding and maturity..

My elder son had to leve for US immeadiately after his wedding. No time for Honeymoon. Her boss posted her to US to join him. She had to travel almost every week all over US and were together only on week ends!.There was the slump he could not get a job consumarate with his qualification. Had to take a job at lower take home pay . One day I had phone call informing me that they have decided to get back to India She had her job intact - back to her old post in Banglore! He had to find a job here in Bangalore He was unemployed for 4 months She was supportive all along and infact because of her connection he got a job! The conventional Udyogam Purusha lakshanam is breached! Gradully they settled down Purchased a Mitshubhis Lancer Moved to a bigger appartment in Mantri Elegance! and were ready for the first child! He had a Dollar Loan with City Bank taken for his MBA! He had exhausted all his saving of working abroad for 4 years towards this loan repayment! Still short of about 25 lakhs Indian Rupees to wards that Loan! How that was manged will follow later!

Same story about my younger son also! Without a job for 6 months after his wedding and with one child! He was given a pink slip with 6 months salary unlike the eleder who resigned to relocate! My daughter in law was happy she could with peace of mind join back after her maternity leave - he was at home to do Baby sitting!!. He took up another exactly at the end of 6 months!

 

[mkrishna100]

Serious couple plan and proceed to take decision to keep the marriage intact Needs lot of understanding and maturity..

True .

 

[krish44]

Marriage doesnot end with Maldevis Honeymoon !! Aasai arupadhu nall Moham Mupathy Nall story will be diastrous ! Serious couple plan and proceed to take decision to keep the marriage intact Needs lot of understanding and maturity..

My elder son had to leve for US immeadiately after his wedding. No time for Honeymoon. Her boss posted her to US to join him. She had to travel almost every week all over US and were together only on week ends!.There was the slump he could not get a job consumarate with his qualification. Had to take a job at lower take home pay . One day I had phone call informing me that they have decided to get back to India She had her job intact - back to her old post in Banglore! He had to find a job here in Bangalore He was unemployed for 4 months She was supportive all along and infact because of her connection he got a job! The conventional Udyogam Purusha lakshanam is breached! Gradully they settled down Purchased a Mitshubhis Lancer Moved to a bigger appartment in Mantri Elegance! and were ready for the first child! He had a Dollar Loan with City Bank taken for his MBA! He had exhausted all his saving of working abroad for 4 years towards this loan repayment! Still short of about 25 lakhs Indian Rupees to wards that Loan! How that was manged will follow later!

Same story about my younger son also! Without a job for 6 months after his wedding and with one child! He was given a pink slip with 6 months salary unlike the eleder who resigned to relocate! My daughter in law was happy she could with peace of mind join back after her maternity leave - he was at home to do Baby sitting!!. He took up another exactly at the end of 6 months!

lot of professionals in IT sector in india faced the slump in 2008 and got pink slips. many with housing loans were

stuck.

when one earns in dollars and returns to india for any reason the knock is heavy. indian payments for jobs in rupees

is very low. job loss is one of the drawbacks in IT sector in india

these mnc guys fire at will,the big four of IT behave no differently

your sons were lucky . they had working wives to fall back on.

most of these professional have/had housing and edu.loans.

these become stable after about ten years or so of work when they have paid up houses , no loans and some

financial security. in some areas , many become professionally obsolete which makes finding another job difficult also.

also ,these days it is difficult to get another job without referrals.

what these youngsters go through makes them cling to each other more.

this is one unexpected plus point of down turns in professional life

 

[renuka]

Why is marriage made to sound so difficult and dreadful?
What is so hard to get and be married?

 

[Vaagmi]

Why is marriage made to sound so difficult and dreadful?
What is so hard to get and be married?

Simple.

Marriage and everything that comes with it have been converted at a fairly high exchange rate into Indian Rupees. LOL.

 

[mkrishna100]

Why is marriage made to sound so difficult and dreadful?
What is so hard to get and be married?

Because current youngsters who are willing to get married are having unrealistic expectations of the same and keep chasing the ideal husband , wife and while some do get their ideal other half , others have to settle down for a toned down version of their ideal other half and some never even get that and keep on only searching and will continue to do even if cross 80 years LOL .

 

[krish44]

Why is marriage made to sound so difficult and dreadful?
What is so hard to get and be married?

hard to get -girls

harder -to make them say yes to marriage

 

[krish44]

we have a deadly mix of professional children and unprofessional parents,

in marriage market, there is no formal approach to finding a match

what one ends up with at the end of the search has no correlation to what was originally sought for

if you no belief in GOd ,you might end up with strong belief after searching for a match

most in utter frustration marry the person nearest in location to them who will say yes.

thats why most marry class mates, colleagues in office. -a known devil one can put up with

if you do not hate your parents , try marrying with their help, your will start hating them seeing their choices for you

why do all behenjis appeal to parents and not smart ones. because parents know their sons

mummys boys become wifes errand boys after marriage. this s because mummies train their sons for that role

thats enough for today .lol

 

[kunjuppu]

dear krish,

we need to remind our community about charity too. not all money need to be spent on the ceremony. the bride groom families involved, can agree to downsize the wedding, and use that money to a worthy cause of their choice - for instance educating poor children.

a friend of mine, bought copies of his favourite author's books, and presented it to each of the wedding guests.

we need also think out of the box.

 

[a-TB]

Doing background checks before finalizing the engagement is not unethical. But sharing the findings of a person other than that to that person is !

Sometimes parents go and make deals (or put ads) without consultation of their children (who are over 25). This is also unethical.

Lying on factual items (saying vegetarian when the person is non-veg) is unethical.

This thread suggests why the entire ad and what follows as a process is untrustworthy. It is better to seek alliance with someone or some family that prides in honesty even if it is from other castes.

 

[Raji Ram]

​What to do? Some people think 'Honesty is NOT the best policy!'. :sad:

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

Slokam books are also presented to the guests attending the wedding but how many will use them is a point to ponder.

Same is the case with other books. The best idea will be to donate a good amount to some orphanage, for their maintenance.

P.S: Every year, after my dad's annual ceremony, mom presents dhoti + angavasthram set to each resident of a VEdapAtasAlA

and saree + blouse to cook mAmi. Since it falls just before Diwali, all the children and inmates are very happy to receive the gifts.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

aariya koothadinaalum
thandava kone
kaasu kaariyathil kaN vaiyada
thandava kone
aariya koothadinaalum
thandava kone
kaasu kaariyathil kaN vaiyada
thandava kone

Does it not apply to Dravadians? The above song is from Tamil film Parasakthi.

 

[krish44]

dear krish,

we need to remind our community about charity too. not all money need to be spent on the ceremony. the bride groom families involved, can agree to downsize the wedding, and use that money to a worthy cause of their choice - for instance educating poor children.

a friend of mine, bought copies of his favourite author's books, and presented it to each of the wedding guests.

we need also think out of the box.

kunjuppuji
downsizing is a must. 60 percent indians are poor or close to poor. spending extravagently is not fair

if you have observed in weddings most men sit thru rituals reading newspapers.it would be a good idea to leave

some good books in their hotel room for them which some book lovers will appreciate,

presents of books which marrying couples get are religeous books . who would like to read them on honeymoon?

 

[CHANDRU1849]

The male to female ratio is highly imbalanced and the no of girls for 1000 boys is highly reduced and the same is true for Brahmin families .I do not have the statistics but that is the truth .Plus TB Girls are giving more importance to their education and career and not willing to compromise the same for marriage and many TB girls are also not getting married for the same reason . If at all they settle down for marriage it is only with that Guy who is not interfering in their education , job .and in fact willing to re-orient his career to accommodate the demands of the Girls . No longer are TB Girls willing to play the role of DIL and this is a shocking reality many TB boys and their parents are unwilling to come to terms with . Recently one of my cousin from Mumbai told me that his daughter is making impossible demands from the boys side and they are frustrated as she is just rejecting each and every boy with one reason or the other and wants a perfect match ( perfect according to her ) . The Girl is now in USA first went for studies and employed there and her demands have increased more and they said they have given up seeing alliance for her and told her to find a boy for herself and even if it means he belongs to other caste / community . The Girl is still searching and I have no idea whether she will find a match that will fit her 100% requirements . I am not judging anyone here but only pointing out the reality that TB Girls have become more assertive and have increased their demands . While it is hurting the TB boys , I can also see frustration in many TB girls parents ( as far as my family & relative circle I know it for sure ) who acknowledge they their daughters are too much demanding and not taking practical realities in to account ..Many TB Girls parents have given up seeing grooms for their girls and given them freedom to make their own choice .

This is a perfect example of how scattered is the Brahmin community. There is no constant touch between Brahmins, exchange of ideas, information and also review of current situation.

Now, it is high time for Iyer boys to look for NB girls to create a new Brahmin group, which will help the community in the long run.

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Does it not apply to Dravadians? The above song is from Tamil film Parasakthi.


aariya koothadinaalum - In fact I thought about changing it as Dravida Koothadinalym originally and refrained - was not sure about Suo Moto!! It is true with Dravidan more than Ariyans if that division persists even today!

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Why is marriage made to sound so difficult and dreadful?
What is so hard to get and be married?

Ideally it should be so ! But it is dangerously trivialised for Yugas!! Honesty will you accept this approach today?


Closer to the bone are the scenes involving Draupadi, who rages at the injustice she suffers when the Pandavas obediently agree with their mother Kunti when she tells them to share whatever Arjun has brought home. It was a swayamvara, Draupadi reminds Arjun: “Tell your mother it isn’t a new kingdom or a chocolate cake that you’ve brought for her this time. Tell her it’s a living woman who talks and laughs and is mad with joy, and belongs to you alone, and cannot be shared amongst the five of you.” But a pained Arjun won’t, and the other Pandavas demand their share because a mother’s word can’t be withdrawn. Draupadi reminds Arjun, “You won me in fair competition. Those four brothers of yours lost. If I stay here, I stay as your wife, not as the mistress of five brothers,” and then admonishes Dharmaraj (Yudhisthira) who tries to philosophize it, by saying: “You can’t be serious. I’ve never heard anybody talk such sanctimonious drivel and believe i

Read more at: http://www.livemint.com/Leisure/2izXvQjOpQm0hFGPz0vdIK/When-Kiran-Nagarkar-said-the-unsayable.html?utm_source=copy

 

[renuka]

Ideally it should be so ! But it is dangerously trivialised for Yugas!! Honesty will you accept this approach today?


Closer to the bone are the scenes involving Draupadi, who rages at the injustice she suffers when the Pandavas obediently agree with their mother Kunti when she tells them to share whatever Arjun has brought home. It was a swayamvara, Draupadi reminds Arjun: “Tell your mother it isn’t a new kingdom or a chocolate cake that you’ve brought for her this time. Tell her it’s a living woman who talks and laughs and is mad with joy, and belongs to you alone, and cannot be shared amongst the five of you.” But a pained Arjun won’t, and the other Pandavas demand their share because a mother’s word can’t be withdrawn. Draupadi reminds Arjun, “You won me in fair competition. Those four brothers of yours lost. If I stay here, I stay as your wife, not as the mistress of five brothers,” and then admonishes Dharmaraj (Yudhisthira) who tries to philosophize it, by saying: “You can’t be serious. I’ve never heard anybody talk such sanctimonious drivel and believe i

Read more at: http://www.livemint.com/Leisure/2izXvQjOpQm0hFGPz0vdIK/When-Kiran-Nagarkar-said-the-unsayable.html?utm_source=copy

Well I feel Draupadi need not really complain..she had 5 guys even though they finally did not really come to her rescue.

If I were Draupadi I would have added Karna to the list by someway or the other cos Yudhisthira was always trying to act smart and talk some "Dharma" or the other..so the only way to shut Yudhisthira up is by bringing in someone elder to him.So Karna would be the husband No 6!

 

[krish44]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

Slokam books are also presented to the guests attending the wedding but how many will use them is a point to ponder.

Same is the case with other books. The best idea will be to donate a good amount to some orphanage, for their maintenance.

P.S: Every year, after my dad's annual ceremony, mom presents dhoti + angavasthram set to each resident of a VEdapAtasAlA

and saree + blouse to cook mAmi. Since it falls just before Diwali, all the children and inmates are very happy to receive the gifts.

many do sumangali prartanai before wedding presenting 9 yds sarees to poor brahmin women. Shops keep sarees of not so good quality for this purpose.

most of these women would prefer sarees of good quality.most return them to shops from where bought and collect money for it. many poor women refuse to travel a large distance to accept these sarees. many chase them to temples to forcibly give them these sarees. others give it to their own relatives who are sumangalis so that their generosity is confined to relatives.

in annual ceremonies , relatives also function as brahmins for rituals and accepting alms . Some play savundi also representing the dead soul ,lol

 

[krish44]

​What to do? Some people think 'Honesty is NOT the best policy!'. :sad:

lTransparancy is a must in marriage settling.

One should invest in trust building before finalising a match.

I find children are more honest than parents in matters relating to themseves.

So I prefer to let children themselves bond with each other online and also direct meeting before finalising an aliance.

I do not check character of either the boy or girl.

what matters is how the boy and girl relate to each other after marriage.

marriage is a different ball game .

I prefer to not deal with those who try to hang on to pasts of boys and girls , and condemn them .

we should learn to put the past of young people we deal with behind.

most youngsters who have gone thru bad experiences become mummys boys/girls for arranged marriages.

you cannot expect old girls in late twenties or boys in thirties to have totally kept away from opposite sex.

it might be possible for twenty plus youngsters just out of college.

why foolishly dig a persons past?

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Well I feel Draupadi need not really complain..she had 5 guys even though they finally did not really come to her rescue.

If I were Draupadi I would have added Karna to the list by someway or the other cos Yudhisthira was always trying to act smart and talk some "Dharma" or the other..so the only way to shut Yudhisthira up is by bringing in someone elder to him.So Karna would be the husband No 6!

I donot see Draupadi as 'Complaing' Nari She taunts and spews fire on those passive onlookers including Krishna!!


When Dharmaraj stakes everything, including Draupadi, and loses it all, at first he is surprised that it wasn’t only a game. Draupadi asks: “If a man can play around with his loved ones in a game, can you imagine what he’d do in real life?…And you, my gutless husbands? Where were you while your brother was distributing us around like largesse?” She taunts all of them as the Kauravas attempt to disrobe her: “And you watch like a gentleman while the Kauravas manhandle me. Who do I see here today? The wisest and oldest upholders of our civilization. There they sit, the lecherous voyeurs, watching one of their senile fantasies come true. But mark my words, if you don’t stop these blackguards now, the winds of war will sweep this land bare.

Krishna, oh Lord Krishna, where are you?”

And then Krishna arrives:

KRISHNA: Stop this demonic game. (Places himself between Draupadi and the audience.) No more of this perversion. I will not stand by and watch it.

DRAUPADI: Yet you watched long enough.

KRISHNA: I was waiting for your call.

DRAUPADI: What sort of God are you that needs calling? The play sparkles with such rapid-fire dialogue.


It seems to be uncomfortably true with our Gods!! They do not appear 'Suo Moto' Waits for a call . Even in Gajendra Moksham he came to the scene when G cries out for him in Agony!!

Read more at: http://www.livemint.com/Leisure/2izXvQjOpQm0hFGPz0vdIK/When-Kiran-Nagarkar-said-the-unsayable.html?utm_source=copy

 

[krish44]

I know many boys and girls in early twenties all tamil brahmins who had gone thru pangs of love , tried bonding and

broken up.they have gone their diffrerent ways. they have got married to others and are very happy.they are far

mature than others as they know what not to do and try to make a success of marriage.

we have to be realistic in living and not chase dream of perfect girl or boy. choose the best out of the lot available

and make the best of it. delay in choosing is often unproductive. one might end up with a worser choice later,lol

if one cannot choose a mate in six to eight weeks examine your profile and specs of person looking for. dilute the

specification to get more responses and shoot and take the first person who says yes.lol

you may not be worse off than those who have spent years.

of course ,there is something called judgement. one learns things the hard way this.