What I do not see you acknowledge is what is happening to the current generation of TB in India.
My children speak Tamil well. They follow customs even in the dorms because they understand the values.
They are usually surprised when we visit places like Chennai.
I also know many TB couples married in India not working out because the emphasis was all on caste and place of origin instead of looking at the total person which includes character.
When I was growing up the concept of dating was nonexistent except in the case of rich & elite.
Today many in India and especially in cities like Chennai , Bangalore, Mumbai, and Delhi have gone all the way in adopting the western ways. It is easy to find people calling themselves brahmins stylishly boasting about their specialized taste in eating meat and throwing away all symbols of significance and boasting about it. All they have done is retained their sense of narrow mindedness and feelings of superiority.
Strong values based on universal principles do no belong to any land though I have learnt to respect many of our customs due to their significance and in helping to upkeep the values which in turn serve to minimize conflicts in our mind.
You may not like this but the existing superficial culture will become extinct in a few generations in India and other places. New breed of people from other cultures are beginning to adopt the best of what our culture has to offer and they will carry the torch of learning and teaching universal principles and values.
Time does not stand still. If you come to India with the expectation to see the old time India of your younger days, you will certainly be disappointed. If in your days, you spent time with your friends by going to movies which were tear jerkers and puranic tales/love triangle yarns now it is lovvu everywhere. In your days if it was paavaadai-thavani for the curvaceous girls it is jeans and sleeveless shirts these days. If it was dhoti and pant for boys in your days it is bermudas and T shirts everywhere these days-from 90 years old oldie to 18 years old young boy. That is the march of time and it may appear to be imitation or aping but really it is not. It is not--because the basic values have not changed in a big way, the culture remains the same even today, the middle class that is the bulwark of brahmin culture still values the importance of remaining in a family committed to it. The kind of loose morals, indiscipline and aping of the west are all there in the higher class brahmin society but not in the middle class which is the largest chunk. I speak about majorities and there is always scope for exceptions which is human nature.
Any marriage which does not take into account the character of the groom or bride is bound to fail ultimately. There is no two opinions about it. But when you look for a suitable match within the community you are sure about atleast a few familiar things. Let me try to make it easy. Caste is like brand equity. I go to the market to buy an electric bulb. I look for only the best brands like Havell or Philips and don't even look at others. It is because of my experience with the product in the past. But after choosing a bulb I also see whether the individual piece is okay in all aspects-whether its filament is in place, whether the base is firmly fixed to the glass bulb etc., The retailer even connects it to the power and shows that it really works. I have learnt from experience that the brand gives me an assurance about many of my concerns. Please for heaven's sake do not immediately extend this example to bring in superiority/inferiority conundrum. Let us keep that aside and take this example of brand equity just in a limited way. The caste tag of brahmin is like the brand equity and it is based on solid scientific evidence as well as everyday experience in this world. Why should I ignore that and pick up from the attractive looking competitive products that come from china these days, which fail in two days or work well depending on how lucky I am? I am not comfortable with intangibles like luck.
In your days the concept of dating was not there because it was a different time with different circumstances/opportunities. Where is the scope for you to date a girl if all the privacy that was available was only the temple prakaaram, city bus journey, family get togethers which were marriages, upanayanams etc.? These days girls are bold and they also know how to manage a date harmlessly. Every date here does not end up in an unwanted pregnancy. These days tb middle class working girls go out on dates after either the marriage is fixed or just prior to that to know the boy better. They call of the proposal if they find the proposed partner is not upto the mark they have in their mind. This is very different from the numerous dating episodes of girls in west. I do not want to go further deep into this. You must be knowing it better. About meat eating, it is again the pressures of the time. Not everyone goes and eat meat or chicken. There are those who do that due to peer pressure and perceived need to live upto the expectation of their love.
Dear friend it is not superficial culture. I would prefer to call it basic values. Even a boy who eats meat a few times with friends in hotels never dares speaking about it to his father, mother, brother or sister. I call it the pangs of growing up. Even Mahatma Gandhi went through this. Many of these boys return back to their basic values and live a normal life as a brahmin. A few go deep into the alien ways and are lost in it for ever. But that is the tyranny of exceptions and there is no escape from that.
When britishers came our veda chanting, puja performing, poonal wearing brahmins had to change. They did that well. They retained their tuft but learnt to wear and live with the uncomfortable turban over it. They retained their poonal but wore a shirt, tie and a coat over it. They did not go for the pant because the kachcham was as good as a pant. And they rose up the ranks of the elite retaining all that.
I am optimistic that our culture will not die. It may undergo periodic modification but will retain the essence of it always in tact. The reason why I am optimistic is because the values are good by universal standards. Like truth which does not require something else to show it our basic values are great and they will stay put.
I cared to give a detailed reply because I understand your position and your genuine interest in a debate. Thanks for your time.
