women domination

[Haridasa Siva]

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I, with my little experience, have seen Indian men dominating over their wife till 80s. Wife had to look at her husband's face even to utter a word and has to understand his feelings by his facial expression.
Women started going for jobs and those who were married from the 80s saw their husband "praising" them and being "human" to them. Women liked it and one of the consequences was her in-laws were "put in place".
And the girls born after 80s have taken it as their right to do what they feel like no matter whether it is right or wrong. And jobs in BPOs or career in general especially in managerial roles came a good excuse for these women to 'expect' (read 'command') their husbands to do most domestic chores.
So, it is neither husband nor wife who has been dominating. It is actually money.
While this is the picture I see on the issue of dominance, the issue of loyalty is altogether different. Men in general have never been loyal to their wives. But as is the case with other bad traits, women seem to be assuming this trait of men also in the recent period. I somehow keep wondering whether the current generation (married people in their early 30s) share true love. I wish and hope they do. This is typically the scene I see in the countries I have lived including SA.

 

[Subhalakshmi]

hahahahahaaa!!!! I am enjoying this thread very much.. Raji, thank you for reminding me to read all the entries.. amazing.. Ok let me give you my two cents as well..

First of all.. Shakti illell Sivam Illai.. don't you agree.. having said that.. I feel a household needs both a man and woman to be compromising partners... there is not much of what a female wants, it is what is best for the family, if a male is dominant and is very demanding of his wife and kids, nobody says it is wrong, they say "hey it is good for the family and he knows how to lead", but if the woman is the same way, she is bad and arrogant and not good for the family, so to prevent this, the couple have to come to an understanding as to what is good for them and their future, during the early years of marriage, it is better to understand the good, bad and the ugly... when something is not suitable, do verbalize and share what you don't like.. but again, I know it is not going to be that easy..

About females in general, Yes! I agree we are quite the complex, complicated and emotional bunch, but again you men are not saints either.. The best advice that I can give to all the young men and women out there is " pick your fights, do not sweat the small stuff.. fight for the right princeple" leave the rest, it is not worth worrying too much.

My son once told his uncle and mind you, he was 15 at that time.. he said, a happy couple need to have - unconditional love, trust, compromise, respect and Loyalty .. Always enjoy what you have and not compare with others, be happy and see the silver lining in every dark cloud.

I guess I got carried away, but not making it any shorter.. ) Good luck guys

Subhalakshmi/Bushu

 

[Subhalakshmi]

Wow!! what a thorough understanding of the situation you have Mr. Haridasa Siva.. I totally agree...

 

[Subhalakshmi]

I have also known that men respect women only when they bring money, be it by dowry or work her tail off when married.. and not spend any money without the husband's approval, even the groceries have to be according to his liking and if a wife is a bit beautiful, his anger rages, funny that is what attracted her in the first place.. joy turns to anger and hatred and no matter what she does is poison to him...

 

[biswa]

I have also known that men respect women only when they bring money, be it by dowry or work her tail off when married.. and not spend any money without the husband's approval, even the groceries have to be according to his liking and if a wife is a bit beautiful, his anger rages, funny that is what attracted her in the first place.. joy turns to anger and hatred and no matter what she does is poison to him...

If the wife is beautiful, there are also other possibilities: like she may think why did I marry this fellow in the first place? I had so many other options...

 

[renuka]

I have also known that men respect women only when they bring money, be it by dowry or work her tail off when married.. and not spend any money without the husband's approval, even the groceries have to be according to his liking and if a wife is a bit beautiful, his anger rages, funny that is what attracted her in the first place.. joy turns to anger and hatred and no matter what she does is poison to him...

How long does beauty last? Most women and men after marriage put on weight and don't take the trouble to look well groomed.So I guess as we all age the beauty factor in a marriage does not really play a significant role.

 

[renuka]

If the wife is beautiful, there are also other possibilities: like she may think why did I marry this fellow in the first place? I had so many other options...

Biswa..why is your sentence in the past tense?

You wrote:

I had so many other options..

Why you never considered writing it in the present tense?

 

[biswa]

Biswa..why is your sentence in the past tense?

You wrote:

Why you never considered writing it in the present tense?

Umm..... because I am not as brave as you?

 

[Raji Ram]

..............
My son once told his uncle and mind you, he was 15 at that time.. he said, a happy couple need to have - unconditional love, trust, compromise, respect and Loyalty .........

Your son said it right, dear Bushu! Men were demanding all these from women earlier but now, it is vice versa!

Girls who get married in 21st century want all these five from their better halves where as they do not wish to

reciprocate. Priority is given to the girl's family. Boys are really frightened now a days because they may be

ditched by their partners any time, as the unexpected 'pink slip' in the US! When a grand ma was asking the bride's

mother, 'Will your daughter be a good wife to my grandson?', the mother replied,'That depends on how your

grandson behaves'!! So, days are gone when women were dominated by men. One girl was bold enough to fix

some guy overseas as her 'man' and get married to another, in the same country, chosen by her parents and

later on join her 'man' after leaving a note to say that the marriage was for getting 'easy visa'!

We should thank the Almighty, if our children get good partners in life. ray:

 

[renuka]

Umm..... because I am not as brave as you?

Biswa so I guess...Chaahat ki raahon mein aage badhte hai punjabi

 

[Brahin]

Hey guys, let women dominate.they only keep quiet when they have something to do.

 

[Subhalakshmi]

To come to answer Biswa
"If the wife is beautiful, there are also other possibilities: like she may think why did I marry this fellow in the first place? I had so many other options"...

do you think when someone is getting married, she has the time to think O my god this guys is going to abuse me later in life, so let me keep my options open.. NO! she just goes with the euphoria of newly wed bride and prays that her life is going to be just peachy.. Even if she has the worst kind of marriage the older generation never think O my god I had other options..

To Renuka
How long does beauty last? Most women and men after marriage put on weight and don't take the trouble to look well groomed.So I guess as we all age the beauty factor in a marriage does not really play a significant role.

Regardless of how old you get or fat or haggard or turn into a plain Jane, some men who are already messed up in their heads think that their wife attracts others and sometimes, it has nothing to do with her face it is jut her personality that makes the man insecure, what he does not realize is that he is belittling himself by thinking all kinds of nonsense.. it never occurs to him that he is imagining quite a bit.. So nothing to do with a beautiful girl or a handsome man turning fat and old later..

Yes! Raji, I see your point.. Today most of the girls are earning so are reversing the roles and demanding more of their groom or future husbands.. but I also have seen, because of the respect they have for each other, they blend so well and it is so nice to see how cute they are when they have their kutti kutti pinakam and how they make up or just let go of the anger in no time at all.. I have witnessed this with so many younger couples I have met in the last ten years..

Men and Woman have to feel equal in a relationship and some have it and some don't... Kids today know what they want and I am happy for them.. god bless them.. I am happy my both daughters knew exactly what they want and both my mappliais are good men, who truly care and love them and my daughters know when not to cross the line I guess.. hahahahahaaa!!! I hope so.. ))

 

[Subhalakshmi]

That is not nice to say Brahin, you can't generalize like that..

 

[Brahin]

That is not nice to say Brahin, you can't generalize like that..

Dear madam,
I am jovial types.Just joking.How to be so serious all the time?

 

[renuka]

Dear Bushu ji,

You wrote:

Even if she has the worst kind of marriage the older generation never think O my god I had other options

We might just never know!!!
No one put them through Lie Detector Test!!! LOL.

 

[renuka]

Hey guys, let women dominate.they only keep quiet when they have something to do.

Hey Brahin,
and you know what we do to guys? we keep them busy by acting as if we can't do somethings on our own just to keep them occupied.
Sometimes when I feel too lazy to open a tight bottle cap I ask for help from hubby and act like i can't open it.
See thats a good ego boost for a male too..he thinks he is He Man!!(but he has no idea that i just wanted to give him some work)

 

[Subhalakshmi]

some issues are sensitive and not to be joked about.. but again, I am not one to stop humour either..

 

[Subhalakshmi]

Hahahahaaa!!! you are clever.. but again about your other remark, I am sure the girl might have thought about it, but again there are some that I know never would think like that..

 

[Subhalakshmi]

Any issue could be dealt without humiliation.. I love humour too, don't get me wrong.. Ask Raji.. )

 

[renuka]

Hahahahaaa!!! you are clever.. but again about your other remark, I am sure the girl might have thought about it, but again there are some that I know never would think like that..

Yup thats the word..Some wont think but some might even think in present tense too.

Love
Renu

 

[Subhalakshmi]

Well, a lot of women are afraid of the society more than anything to make any decisions.. In fact this is global, not restricted to India or any third world country.. a lot of women appreciate when some other takes a big decision.. But for them to displease the family or the children, takes a lot of courage, and sometimes you have no choice.. and you do what you have to.. it is like the saying " Saadhu Mirandaal Kaadu kolladhu"..

Someone told me exactly what you wrote.. make the husband believe it is his decision while the idea is all yours.. but again, I thought that was clever, give the husband a boost ( like you ) and have it your way.. If only some women are smarter like that, a lot of marriages will be much better.. Women have to learn to think with their head more than their heart.. ;-)
Best!!!

Bushu

 

[renuka]

Well, a lot of women are afraid of the society more than anything to make any decisions.. In fact this is global, not restricted to India or any third world country.. a lot of women appreciate when some other takes a big decision.. But for them to displease the family or the children, takes a lot of courage, and sometimes you have no choice.. and you do what you have to.. it is like the saying " Saadhu Mirandaal Kaadu kolladhu"..

Someone told me exactly what you wrote.. make the husband believe it is his decision while the idea is all yours.. but again, I thought that was clever, give the husband a boost ( like you ) and have it your way.. If only some women are smarter like that, a lot of marriages will be much better.. Women have to learn to think with their head more than their heart.. ;-)
Best!!!

Bushu

Dear Bushuji,

Could you kindly please write who you are addressing the post to?
I think this post is for me? hence I am replying.

My motto in life:

1)Its nice to let others feel that they are "in charge"..you know many jump to get a chance to head anything without realizing they have actually more responsibilities.

2)Never let a man know you are smarter to him.Play dumb sometimes and they fall for it.Nice to silently watch people thinking they are smarter to you.there used to be a fellow doc when i was in the government service who used to think he is smarter to me and he used to go on bragging non stop and even run me down till 1 day when he found out that i had fared much better than him in college when a common friend told him.
And he was shocked and asked me why i didnt tell him earlier that i was a better student than him so that he wouldnt have made a fool of himself in front of me.
I told him its ok..it was fun to watch your antics.

3)Talk sweetly instead of shouting and keep an innocent face and you will win any "arguement."

4)Life is too short anyway..so if anyone wants to dominate go ahead.Let them be Boss and we say Yes Boss!!!

5)Last but not least..it might look as if we lose the battles but in reality we win the war.

 

[C RAVI]

5)Last but not least..it might look as if we lose the battles but in reality we win the war.

Yes!!!! This is how and what every husband and wife should think and act for a spicy & happy married life..

As far as I could know from my circle, in present generation, husbands ended up adopting the strategy that you have highlighted in your point no.5.

 

[renuka]

Yes!!!! This is how and what every husband and wife should think and act for a spicy & happy married life..

As far as I could know from my circle, in present generation, husbands ended up adopting the strategy that you have highlighted in your point no.5.

So both are playing the same game?? hey that will contribute to world peace!!!

 

[C RAVI]

So both are playing the same game?? hey that will contribute to world peace!!!

I said during this last decade husbands are playing this safe game for a happy family to prevail. How can it be considered as both are playing the same game?

See, you dont belong to the generation of guys and gals who are marrying between 2005 and 2011. Thus, may be in your family, as you said, you are playing this game to sooth your husband.

What am saying is in these times, that is, couples marrying between the years 2005 and 2011 what we got to know is, its husbands who are soothing their wife with great difficulties to ensure still things are in order and smooth as they wish it should be..