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women domination

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So both are playing the same game?? hey that will contribute to world peace!!!

I said, during these days (as much as I could come to know/see), husbands had to play this safe game to ensure happiness to prevail in the family. How this can be considered as both are playing the same game??

See, you dont belong to these times when guys and gals are getting married between 2005 and 2011. So, as you said, in your family you are playing this safe game to sooth your husband and still achieve what you want.

But, what I am saying is, during these days, that is from year 2005 onwards, it is mostly husbands who had to play this safe game of "losing to win" with great difficulties to see things going much safe and smooth and both are happy, living

:whoo: :juggle: :hug:

.
 
A great book

This is not a direct response to your post. Just a suggestion. This topic reminds me of Ibsen's play "A Doll's house". A great classic. Just about 104 pages. Worth spending 3 to 4 hrs on this.

Have a nice day
Dear Bushu ji,

You wrote:



We might just never know!!!
No one put them through Lie Detector Test!!! LOL.
 
Hey Ravi..you know this dominating stuff kind of reminded me of my childhood.I had a dog called Ugo and he used to 'dominate' in a very loving manner.
In the evenings when I take him for walks on a leash he used to somewhat playfully run here and there and look with loving eyes and finally he took me where ever he wanted to go for a walk.
I used to tell my mum..this Ugo boy takes me for a walk and not me taking him for a walk.
See a dog also was kind of indirectly dominating!!!
 
@ananth:

What a dellight to have a western classics drama loving member here. Welcome sir.

Re ‘a doll’s house’, we can see how prophetic 130 years later, our societies have changed per ibsen’s prophecy.

It is difficult for many to imagine, that the western world was as class driven and in some ways caste driven, with strictures on morality, that we in india, might be surprised. Personally, I think, it is the two wars, the 1st and 2nd world war, that were raison d’etre for most of the changes that has been brought about and flourished till the end of the 20th century.

The first war, brought home, the horrors of mass killings in the trenches, and the concept of women populating the factories. The second war only multiplied the horrors and devastation, not only in Europe, but in asia as well.

The post war world that I grew up in, was the most optimistic period of human development, I think.

Europe, leading the way for a class less society – with a benevolent state funded housing, health, free university education which provided upward mobility to erstwhile working classes, and above all to make up for the human losses suffered in the 2nd world war, massive migrations from asia and Africa, thus laying the seed for today’s tensions.

To confess, I saw ibsen’s rosmersholm, live, at the shaw festival, Niagara on the lake. Notl is a small postcard pretty town, near the usa border, which has an elaborate drama program every year, dedicated to george bernar shaw, but also other dramatist. I came out of seeing rosmersholm very disturbed and upset.

Since then, I stick with watching ibsen, only on t.v. certain authors, I am unable to face the live interface. So strong are their messages.

Ananth, your suggestion re ‘a doll’s house’, while a welcome suggestion, I suspect, may not go well with the conservative crowd here. Let us wait and watch.

:)
 
This is not a direct response to your post. Just a suggestion. This topic reminds me of Ibsen's play "A Doll's house".
Not many a caged delicate bird can muster the courage to fly away. When some do, to the owner of the doll it is often an unbearable shock -- we didn't deserve this, we sacrificed our lives for her benefit, this doll has no gratitude ....
 
Not many a caged delicate bird can muster the courage to fly away. When some do, to the owner of the doll it is often an unbearable shock -- we didn't deserve this, we sacrificed our lives for her benefit, this doll has no gratitude ....

nara,

maybe in a tambram , the 'doll' in question can also be a son? i can see parallel's re how a son is brought up, golden cage and all, and when he wants to marry a girl of his choice, all hell breaks loose. as it has once again, in my relation neighbourhood !!
 
...maybe in a tambram , the 'doll' in question can also be a son? i can see parallel's re how a son is brought up, golden cage and all, and when he wants to marry a girl of his choice, all hell breaks loose. as it has once again, in my relation neighbourhood !!
When it comes to love marriage, it is always the son / daughter who wins! If parents disagree, then hell breaks loose...

I think ஓ போடுவது is the easiest way to lead a peaceful life!!

New kuraL:

'ஓ'போட்டு வாழ்வாரே வாழ்வார் மற்றவரைப்
போவென்று பின்தள்ளு வார். :bump2:
 
....maybe in a tambram , the 'doll' in question can also be a son? i can see parallel's re how a son is brought up, golden cage and all, and when he wants to marry a girl of his choice, all hell breaks loose. as it has once again, in my relation neighbourhood !!
Yes, of course K, Nora is all who are supposed to know their place. Sometime back there was Senthil who longed for the bygone era when the cage of social order gave a sense of protection to the caged. Some of the Manu-apologists love to point out the so called "Shudras" are taken care of by the benevolence of the upper castes.

Cheers!
 
Dear Kunjs,

You wrote :
Ananth, your suggestion re ‘a doll’s house’, while a welcome suggestion, I suspect, may not go well with the conservative crowd here. Let us wait and watch.

:)


Kunjs..dont discourage him yaar..We in forum havent seen a controversy in a long time and any sort of so called "Scandals" are most welcome..
I was just checking the story online and kind of liked it.LOL!!!
 
Hi Renu! Your pet should have got his correct name.... Igo!!:spy:



My kutty doggie Ugo was a real unique dog.He never missed his morning "prayers".He will come in to the prayer room to place his head at the altar and wait for my dad to give him the aarti.
His loved eating sujee halwa naivedyam which he must eat even before we can serve it at the altar that too he will only want the portion from the plate to be offered.So we will take out some and place it for him and he will eat in the prayer room itself.

He was a truly a unique soul and also used to love hearing bhajans and for Diwali I used to dress him up with a nice red bow and put for him Tilak also.
He is always my Ugo Boy.
 
The story 'A Doll's house' in a nutshell:

"Nora, the heroine, now realizes that her husband Torvald is not at all the kind of person she had believed him to be,

and that their marriage has been based on mutual fantasies and misunderstanding. She then leaves him!"

This happens in many love marriages......... Too bad!
:shocked:
 
The story 'A Doll's house' in a nutshell:

"Nora, the heroine, now realizes that her husband Torvald is not at all the kind of person she had believed him to be,

and that their marriage has been based on mutual fantasies and misunderstanding. She then leaves him!"

This happens in many love marriages......... Too bad!
:shocked:


Even though I had an arranged marriage..I dont really feel that its better than a love marriage.
A marriage is a marriage.We only know an individual well when we stay with them for many years.
So I feel its the understanding that counts more than the type of marriage.

Fantasies are important for both types of marriages.It keeps the brain healthy.
Not too much fantasy but imagination does help a bit.

I feel no one marriage is superior to the other.Both are made in Heaven isnt it? as the famous saying goes Marriages are made in Heaven(Which type was not specified).
 
Last edited:
The story 'A Doll's house' in a nutshell:

"Nora, the heroine, now realizes that her husband Torvald is not at all the kind of person she had believed him to be,

and that their marriage has been based on mutual fantasies and misunderstanding. She then leaves him!"

This happens in many marriages......... Too bad!
:shocked:

i think the above would be more correct... :) honestly :)
 
I haven't seen The Doll House but I've seen An Enemy of the People play (theatre) and Satyajit's Ganashatru years back. Want to see The Doll House now. Henrik sure was ahead of his time wasn't he.

Yes mami it happens a lot nowadays but when it was written HI received a lot of flak for reversing strongly held beleives about gender roles.

You know K mama class system here still hasn't gone away. The nouveau riche are considered just that. New rich. They can't ever be upper class even if they tried. Takes generations perhaps. Perhaps this is uniquely a British thing due to aristocracies and landed/knighted gentries still considered the creme de la creme. Even if one is rich and the upper crust are considerably less wealthy they can still diferentiate with accents and other stuff.
 
Dear Bushuji,

Could you kindly please write who you are addressing the post to?
I think this post is for me? hence I am replying.

My motto in life:

1)Its nice to let others feel that they are "in charge"..you know many jump to get a chance to head anything without realizing they have actually more responsibilities.

2)Never let a man know you are smarter to him.Play dumb sometimes and they fall for it.Nice to silently watch people thinking they are smarter to you.there used to be a fellow doc when i was in the government service who used to think he is smarter to me and he used to go on bragging non stop and even run me down till 1 day when he found out that i had fared much better than him in college when a common friend told him.
And he was shocked and asked me why i didnt tell him earlier that i was a better student than him so that he wouldnt have made a fool of himself in front of me.
I told him its ok..it was fun to watch your antics.

3)Talk sweetly instead of shouting and keep an innocent face and you will win any "arguement."

4)Life is too short anyway..so if anyone wants to dominate go ahead.Let them be Boss and we say Yes Boss!!!

5)Last but not least..it might look as if we lose the battles but in reality we win the war.


You are so right in that Renuka :-) I have a physician friend who had the same experience as you did.. and I understand your point well.. no matter what anyone says Men do have a very big ego, I think it is cultural and the makeup of their being.. I guess, no matter what we will be the nurturers.. but that is ok... in fact I grew up with my Dad, my uncles doting on me and I understand men better sometimes than I do women.

In my opinion, anyone who dominates certainly feel a sense of insecurity, and when they are on the defensive, nobody approaches them because of that authoritative nature.. it is all pretend but spouses are afraid.. but again I like that the wheels have turned around in India and at the same time don't like women doing the same thing to men either, but again time will sort out everything I suppose..
Best wishes to you
love
Bushu/Subhalakshmi :-)
 
"In my opinion, anyone who dominates certainly feel a sense of insecurity"

It is my opinion too.


Renu, reg your post 139, yes, how a marriage works out does not necessarily depend on what type of a marriage (arranged or love) it is. But what I do think is that in love marriages, there is an expectation built up mainly because both the parties try to project their best face to the other. But when they get down to business (meaning married life), the reality bites. Like Padayappa, they show their sixth face and the other party "nonthuduthu". (The dialogue in the Rajinkanth starrer Padayappa: "intha Padayappanukku innoru mukam irukku; atha paaththa nee thaanga maatta; nonthuruva"). Someone defined love (in the context of love between two young people of opposite sex) as primarily narcissistic.
 
.........But what I do think is that in love marriages, there is an expectation built up mainly because both the parties try to project their best face to the other......
My father used to say:

The woman who loves a man and gets married MAY decide to file her divorce case,
the very next day, when she 'hears' him brush his teeth!
:brushteeth:
 
"In my opinion, anyone who dominates certainly feel a sense of insecurity"

It is my opinion too.


Renu, reg your post 139, yes, how a marriage works out does not necessarily depend on what type of a marriage (arranged or love) it is. But what I do think is that in love marriages, there is an expectation built up mainly because both the parties try to project their best face to the other. But when they get down to business (meaning married life), the reality bites. Like Padayappa, they show their sixth face and the other party "nonthuduthu". (The dialogue in the Rajinkanth starrer Padayappa: "intha Padayappanukku innoru mukam irukku; atha paaththa nee thaanga maatta; nonthuruva"). Someone defined love (in the context of love between two young people of opposite sex) as primarily narcissistic.


Haridasa garu,
I like what you wrote.. but in some cases in so called love marriages, in spite of getting to know each other the good bad and the ugly, one makes the mistake of marrying because of the commitment, that one party made.. but soon the love turns into possessiveness and all that was good turns into bad and ugly... :-)
 
நான் விரும்பும் இதயம் எங்கே ?என் இதயம் ஒரு குழந்தை போலே இருக்கு இப்போ ...women or men from time to time dominate each other,either subtly or aggressively,in my 20 year experiance.
 
நான் விரும்பும் இதயம் எங்கே ?என் இதயம் ஒரு குழந்தை போலே இருக்கு இப்போ ...women or men from time to time dominate each other,either subtly or aggressively,in my 20 year experiance.


enna pannaradhu, 20 varushathile neraiaya anubavichiruppar ungal wife, so after taking care of you and the children, she must be tired, Why don't you both get away for a week or even a weekend.. just like that.. it might be nice for both of you.. :-)
 
"In my opinion, anyone who dominates certainly feel a sense of insecurity"

It is my opinion too.


Renu, reg your post 139, yes, how a marriage works out does not necessarily depend on what type of a marriage (arranged or love) it is. But what I do think is that in love marriages, there is an expectation built up mainly because both the parties try to project their best face to the other. But when they get down to business (meaning married life), the reality bites. Like Padayappa, they show their sixth face and the other party "nonthuduthu". (The dialogue in the Rajinkanth starrer Padayappa: "intha Padayappanukku innoru mukam irukku; atha paaththa nee thaanga maatta; nonthuruva"). Someone defined love (in the context of love between two young people of opposite sex) as primarily narcissistic.


You know more than 3/4 world do not have arranged marriage system but they are also happily married.
Having expectations is not a hall mark of a love marriage.Having expectations is a human trait that rears its ugly head when we have motives.
I still say marriage is a marriage and arranged or love makes no differences.

In our Purans most marriages are based on Love that too at 1st sight.What is important in a marriage is Love and that can come from both arranged and love marriages.
Anyway even in arranged marriages there is surely some element of attraction.Thats also some form of "lovvu" isnt it?
Only when we feel that "Kickku" in our heart we will consent to the mappilai/ponnu isnt it?

I only felt that "Kickku" when my hubby came to view me.All other guys I didnt feel anything so I said no to all of them and said yes only to my husband.
So even in arranged marriage there is still Love at first sight.
 
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