Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

[Visalakshi Ramani]

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reply to # 925.
Respected Shree. Nara,

I have never "fallen" in love! So I have no experience of the floating feeling and the Supernova effect! I can only relate to others from my personal experiences.

All the great love affairs listed by you ended in tragedy. They were not accepted as they were NOT acceptable.

Had there been no opposition the lovers would have united and lived "happily."
But because their love took a tragic turn, their name are still alive today!
They are living "ever after"

Apparently no one can "live happily ever after" since the terms "happily" and "ever after" SEEM to be mutually exclusive!

When the lovers have their feet firmly on the ground, they fall in the category of mature lovers. When they are swept off their feet, start to float and to see the Supernovas, they are in Calf love.

with warm regards,
V.R.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

reply to # 928.

Dear Shree. Nara,

When I wrote about the Sidhthaanthams, I had far more serious matters in my mind than a mere getting one's sikha cut or stealing a visit to one's betrothed.

We seem to be going in circles again. So I will take leave with one final observation.

In Physics, the distance traveled by a body is defined as the distance between its initial and finall positions. So when we travel in circles and reach the starting point, theoretically the distance traveled is ZERO-even if we had traveled long distances in reality.

The work done is the product of the force employed and the displacement of the object. I may push a huge wall all day. Surely it won't budge. So the work done by me is theoretically ZERO, even if i had burned several kilo calories in my vain pursuit.

I had known the meaning of the these definitions all along. Only now I have the opportunity to feel them. Let me assure you, it is not very pleasant!

with warm regards,
V.R.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Oh God!

After discussing for nearly hundred pages, will anyone be able to make Brahmin girls and boys love in their own cast?

All parents accept the love marriage of their son / daughter, whether right or wrong, if not immediately, at least after the arrival of a grand child.... So, none of us can change the world!

உலகம் உய்ய வேண்டும்,
ராஜி ராம்

Dear Mrs. Raji Ram,

The original topic is "Why Brahmin girls marry (get attracted to) non Brahmins.

So what is wrong if they (Brahmin boys and girls) fall in love?

What is the argument raised against this possibility?

The long discussion was about the love between Brahmins and non Brahmins. Remember?

with best wishes,
V.R.

 

[Raghy]

Sow. Sri. Visalakshi Ramani,

Greetings. I could not help writing this naughty message! When you travel in circles, although the distance travelled may be zero, the potential energy is increased (Mc^2!). :humble:

Cheers!

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. Raghy

Let me congratulate you for becoming a veteran! I was more eager than you to see when it happens!

You are really naughty. Before i could log out after posting my reply , I saw your reply!

Increased Kinetic Energy (it is not potential energy) is welcome. But WHAT is the use of this increased energy-if it can't be employed in getting any useful work done?

with warm regards,
V.R.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. Raghy,

Before I forget again, "Sri" is used along with the names of gents.

Smt (short form of Srimathy, meaning a married lady) is used for married women.

"Sow" (a short form of Sowbhagyavathy) can be used for young unmarried girls also.

V.R.

 

[Raghy]

Dear Mr. Raghy,

Before I forget again, "Sri" is used along with the names of gents.

Smt (short form of Srimathy, meaning a married lady) is used for married women.

"Sow" (a short form of Sowbhagyavathy) can be used for young unmarried girls also.

V.R.

Sow.Sri. Vishalakshi Ramani,

All the ladies are Sowbhagyavathys. All the ladies are Srimathys. After marriage, she becomes Srimathy, followed by her husband's name. Before marriage, still she is Srimathy (like திருநிறை செல்வி). All the ladies deserve the double respect, in my opinion. (I know, I know the difficulties my wife goes through with me!).

Cheers!

 

[Nara]

Dear Shri KRS, Greetings!

... since you have called me in another thread as 'arch conservative', let me please respond.

Yes, I do remember using this phrase. I have forgotten the context, but perhaps I should have said you come across as one, are you sure I didn't say that?

This is where, I think you and I differ. There is no need to speed up the process at the discomfort of where folks are. Let them be. This is why, any 'revolution' does not make sense to me.

I think you are seeing a difference when none seems to exist, at least from my perspective. I am not trying to advocate all the young girls and boys to reject the traditional arranged marriage outright. I was only responding to all the hand-wringing about dilution of tradition. I also can't sympathize with this attitude of parental entitlement however eloquently expressed by the bards in our forum -- with due respects.

Two girls from my close circle of relatives married NB boys. Both parents were against it. One girl had the confidence that her parents will not abandon her or stand in her way. She told her parents she will not marry her beau unless they give permission, and that she will be really unhappy if they didn't, but respect their wishes. After some emotional drama the parents blessed her, conducted the marriage, have two lovely grandkids, life couldn't be happier.

The second one was tough. Parents refused to even talk about it. Told their daughter to go and do whatever she wanted. She did exactly that. They have now de facto accepted the marriage, but not de jure per dharma shahsthras. Life is going on, but not happy.

My position is to encourage the first case and avoid the second.

One more thing, I think it is extremely insensitive, selfish, and perhaps a little naive to use language like "பெற்றோர்முகத்தில் கரி பூசி" or that the girls must feel indebted to the parents because they spent a lot of money raising her and sending her to college. This kind of entitlement-feeling can only bring unhappiness to everyone concerned.

Cheers!

 

[Raghy]

I stand corrected about Kinetic energy. Thank you. Your increased energy has a lot of work done already. If in doubt, kindly look at the readership you have accumalated. Opinions impart knowledge; the forum is gaining from the knowledge. Kindly keep up the good work! Thank you.

Cheers!

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Sow.Sri. Vishalakshi Ramani,

All the ladies are Sowbhagyavathys. All the ladies are Srimathys. After marriage, she becomes Srimathy, followed by her husband's name. Before marriage, still she is Srimathy (like திருநிறை செல்வி). All the ladies deserve the double respect, in my opinion. (I know, I know the difficulties my wife goes through with me!).

Cheers!

Not an interfering type. But let me add some girls are christened by the very address itself: Srimathy. Men are addressed Sri which, some say, represent 'Sridevi'.

 

[kunjuppu]

I’m torn between my boyfriend and my mom’s pick - The Globe and Mail

This is in today’s Toronto globe.

The query is from a 21 year old south asian girl person (india, pak, bangle, sri L). could be any religion.

Not only tambrams, but other Indian groups too carry this arranged marriage concept when they move to the west. It takes a couple of generations for it do die away.

Anyways, this is a very interesting article. I did not know of ‘arranged love’ marriages.

Even more are the comments from the public. One of them is mine. Any guess which one it is?

Thanks.

 

[Raghy]

Sri. Kunjuppu,

I did not know of ‘arranged love’ marriages

I have seen a couple of attempts. One attempt did not work. There was no 'chemistry' bewtween that boy and girl. So, after 2 weeks, the idea was dropped.

The second case was really juicy! (I pressed the submit button by mistake. Post continues....)

 

[Raghy]

Sri. Kunjuppu,

Sorry for that hiccup...

The second case was juicy!:gossip:

This gentleman helped this family for years. The eldest son had an eye for his daughter. The girl's dad approached the boy's mum; but his mum received the proposal with luke-warm interest. He left his daughter at the boys residence for a few days....his mum gave her had time..after few days, the girl decided enough was enough and started living with that boy! Eventually the boy's mum agreed to the proposal.....( Last month when I was in India, he came from Bangalore to see our daughter).

(I could not spot your comment. I thought I did, but the name of the poster was very unlike you! I gave up..).

Cheers!

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. Raghy,

I had said that Sowbhayavathy can be used for unmarried girls also!

Sri is the short form of Sriman apt for the name of man.

Have you heard of "Mahaa la la Sri?"

It means that Sri is to be placed one lakh times before the name of the person.WOW!

with warm regards,
V.R.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

சிரிப்பதற்காக ஒரு சின்ன கவிதை (?)
(நாங்கள் குழந்தைகளாக இருக்கும்போது இட்டுக் கட்டியது)

"மஹா லா லா ஸ்ரீ !
மண்டையிலே ப்ளாஸ்திரி.
பக்கத்துலே ஆஸ்பத்திரி,
பாக்கிறான் பார் மேஸ்தரி."

பின் குறிப்பு.
எங்கள் தந்தை ஒரு டாக்டர்!

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

reply to # 946.

Dear Mr. Iyyarooraan,

Can you please add some more names to the list given below?

திரு. திருவள்ளுவர்.
திரு. திருமாவளவன்.
ஸ்ரீமதி. ஸ்ரீமதி.
சௌபாக்யவதி. சௌபாக்யவதி.

with best wishes,
V.R.

 

[hoover]

acceptance may be stretched to any limit.
we may have gay couples in coming years, living with their parents 'happily'
and best way of solving the mandir masjid problem let everyone vow to marry one of their children to other religion.
no taxation without representation.
no ic marriages without equal treatment and equal opportunity.
govt will suffocate brahmin boys of opportunities and snatch girls and provide to nbs
who killed their own by way of female foeticide. It is unacceptable. and only yield extreme hatred.
It is not matter of persons 55 plus. in fact they are the culprit for lame approach for individual gains towards these kinds of acts in the start.
Muslims live worldwide on their own terms and successfully both materially and spiritually. they do not need these tired voices. tired of doing sanskara on their children. they do not tolerate such 'chalta hai' approach. not even verbally support these sucidal ideas of caste barrier braking bussiness.
I think westernised Brahmin really need the great profets teaching to learn the right and wrong esp. in marital matters.
our children are not biproduct of some physical pleasure. we will have to rid them and their naive whims on any price, if not successuful then just throw away this biological grabage, for commen good of the whole world.
for intellectual selsemans of ic marriage ideas; arguement: we do not force ic marriages. answer:you do not but you promote by your intellectual marketing of the concept. stop that. you are not god who have seen and know in advance the consequense of these blaspehmous acts. varnasankara is forbidden by god. and not a single word should be spoken against gods teaching. you are diffusing society physically, psicologically, politically, socially,spiritually and materially. which will render it helpless against organised cruels.
are anyone here individually taking responsibility of conseqences, which society in genreal and brahmin in particular may have to face due to this cate barrer breaking bussiness.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Mrs. Raji Ram,

The original topic is "Why Brahmin girls marry (get attracted to) non Brahmins.

So what is wrong if they (Brahmin boys and girls) fall in love?

What is the argument raised against this possibility?

The long discussion was about the love between Brahmins and non Brahmins. Remember?

with best wishes,
V.R.

Yes Madam, I know. But after discussing for nearly 100 pages, can any one make brahmin girls love brahmin boys only? That is the million dollar question!

Regards,
Raji Ram

 

[kunjuppu]

Two girls from my close circle of relatives married NB boys. Both parents were against it. One girl had the confidence that her parents will not abandon her or stand in her way. She told her parents she will not marry her beau unless they give permission, and that she will be really unhappy if they didn't, but respect their wishes. After some emotional drama the parents blessed her, conducted the marriage, have two lovely grandkids, !

Similar to this happened in my extended family about 10 years ago.

A well off family, the only daughter fell in love with a muslim. As expected there was parental opposition, but the girl sat it out. She said that she will not marry one but this guy, but only if parents agreed.

Two years went by, and I do not know if it was due to this situation, the father’s health took a turn for the worse. One suspects but one never knows.

After two years, the parents relented and the girl had a registered quiet marriage.

Surprising is, that she lives in uae, has two daughters with hindu names and bringing them up as hindus. I sincerely hope that by the time those girls grow up, our society has opened its heart further to accommodate children of such mixed marriages. In the west all these are no issues.

By the way, the girls parents visit the daughter every year and spend a couple of weeks. So I should imagine that all is well now.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

dear Mrs.Raji Ram,

We are trying to woo the girls and boys away from the non brahmins. That is the purpose of the whole lot of argument!

Since brahmin parents don't allow their wards to fall in love with the other brahmins, they go in search of other available persons-invariably the non brahmins.

So whether or not we allow, they are going to love some one! It is the play of hormones-which most people find hard to resist. That is the main cause of our concern.

We can at least regulate the traffic to some extent and save our race from extinction ( as forewarned by many persons in the Forum).

with best wishes,
V.R.

 

[Nara]

....
We seem to be going in circles again. So I will take leave with one final observation.

[...]

I had known the meaning of the these definitions all along. Only now I have the opportunity to feel them. Let me assure you, it is not very pleasant!

Dear MRs. VR, Greetings!

It looks like you are getting annoyed with me that I am not agreeing with your view so plainly spoken for anyone to easily understood. If so, all I can say is, there was a time when I used to feel this way too -- how come the other person can't understand what I know to be patently true like உள்ளங்கை நெல்லிக்கனி. But alas, such instances only made life difficult for everyone involved.

I know you have once again signed off noting the futility of the circular arguments you see in my presentations, and I understand that, but if you change your mind and post a response, I would welcome that.

Cheers!

 

[Nara]

....Since brahmin parents don't allow their wards to fall in love with the other brahmins, they go in search of other available persons-invariably the non brahmins.

Dear Mrs. VR, the above is not computing for me. If the parents don't allow love towards a B boy, they would allow love towards an NB boy even less, won't they? Therefore, if a girl refrains from love towards B on account of her parent's admonition, wouldn't she keep away from NB boys even more so, given that she is willing to listen to her parents as evidenced by she keeping away from B boys?

The problem is, as you note below, irresistible hormones, and hormones don't know about this B and NB thing. It is not amenable to regulation, especially from parents. It can only be gently managed by showing support and love to the girl.

So whether or not we allow, they are going to love some one! It is the play of hormones-which most people find hard to resist. That is the main cause of our concern.

Cheers!

 

[kunjuppu]

folks,

there is an iyer guy in another thread, who is desperate about an iyengar girl. why don't the traditionalists atleast show him support and give him some hints.

he needs it. badly..i have said my piece...maybe with all our support, he will bundle up his guts and aggressively pursue her.

tambram need to be coached, that there is no guilt involved in chasing girls. they are humans, and not goddesses.

hoover, senthil et al, pls don't reply to this note. go help this guy to win over the iyengar girl, and report me your success story. atleast then, i will credit you, with having some hope. otherwise your cause is hopeless.

 

[kunjuppu]

Yes Madam, I know. But after discussing for nearly 100 pages, can any one make brahmin girls love brahmin boys only? That is the million dollar question!

Regards,
Raji Ram

dear raji,

just before your time in this forum, we had swayamvarams conducted under this auspicies.

well intentioned and generous gentlemen like swami sharma (astrologer) & RVR would go to the various towns of tamil nadu and also kerala, and spread out the news of the swayamvarams.

i suspect most of the attendees were of the lower middle class or less. this may be wrong. the boys to girls ratios of attendance was 1:3 with most of the boys past 30 and desperate.

the surprising thing, is the insistance of most of the parents, about jadhagam poruthal, based on same caste/subcaste. so much rigidity there, that these parents are willing to sacrifice their sons life and happiness, to the altars of their prejudice and ignorance.

RVR even made a valiant effort to seek out brahmins from other states to find wives for these boys, all of whom have no hopes of getting tambram girl ever.

one sees notices here from boys' parents, past 30 and seeking out girls. 'no expectations', whatever that means.

personally, in my own family, girls and boys married freely, within or without brahmin castes. hence to me, it was a great surprise about so many fellows, all virgins i suspect, well into thirties.

men are the most virile starting in their teen to late twenties. what cruel society would be to condemn them to brahmachari till such an age, that when they are 'permitted' to marry, their seeds are already drying.

we never look at the physical needs. so cruel and hypocritical we are.

all for some caste?

huh!!!!!!!!!

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Dear Mr. Nara,

I will reply to your mails in detail- after I finish my umpteen house hold chores and become free for the day.

I take leave means that I am signing off - not that I QUIT once for all!

The B girls seek non brahmins because they will have the support of the boy's family.

But when one B seeks another B, both their parents oppose the relationship.

That makes a lot of difference and a lot of sense too, I suppose!

with warm regards,
V.R.